


Scent of a Woman 2.0

by ImBeautifullyHuman



Series: Scent of A Woman 2.0 [1]
Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games (2012) RPF, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Interracial Relationship, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love Confessions, Racist Language, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:07:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImBeautifullyHuman/pseuds/ImBeautifullyHuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss and Peeta have been friends since they were children.  Peeta wants more.  Katniss, in true canon style, doesn’t know what the hell she wants.  They try to navigate their way through friendship and other conflicts.  I drew upon the imaginary divisional lines between the Seam inhabitants and the Merchants that Suzanne Collins herself used in the series.  Katniss and Peeta are two people who are up against conventional rules regarding who's allowed to love whom, still star-crossed but in a different way. Thanks in advance for reading.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written originally in micro style on FF.net under the title Scent of a Woman. I received feedback from readers ZoeLaRoux and EucaEuca that I should expand it and focus more on the racial divide. I couldn’t agree more. So, here we are. I’m expanding the content and straying away from the condensed drabble style. There are fewer but longer chapters. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional writer. I do not own the Hunger Games trilogy or its wonderful characters, but wish I did.

**Present:  June 2012**

The pretty, petite blonde leaned up and planted a kiss right on his mouth. Katniss' heart clenched and she could feel the wedding cake threatening to rise in her throat. She wondered why she'd agreed to this torture. For the last three hours she'd subjected herself to watching Peeta and this bitch parade around her friend Madge's wedding, canoodling and generally making her want to vomit. What made it worse is that Peeta seemed to be _enjoying_ it.

 

 _"_ I’d like to just wipe that shit-eating grin off his face.  Could she be wearing any more makeup?  And those boobs…Jesus…she looks like a porn star!  Why the hell am I even here? _"_

She looked around tentatively to see if anyone had heard her talking to herself.  The last thing she needed now was for people to think she'd finally lost her mind over Peeta.  Suddenly, she remembered why she'd agreed to come. One, Madge and Marvel were good friends of hers. Two, she was in their wedding. Three, she had Gale there to protect her and help her through it. But, mostly she just hoped to get another glimpse of him. 

* * *

Peeta had avoided contacting Katniss over the past year, she assumed, because he'd found a distraction. From the looks of things, she had assumed correctly.  Part of her knew he wouldn't be alone for very long; he was too handsome to fly solo. The other part of her secretly hoped he'd been as miserable as she'd been since last summer. From the looks of things, he hadn’t.

The summer before his senior year at Georgia Tech was the last time she had actually seen him. They'd said goodbye many times, but that time, she was sure, had been for good. _Adios! Ciao! Adieu! That's all, folks!_ The era of PeeNiss, KatPee, EverLark was over and stricken from the history books. That had been nearly a year ago. She remembered thinking ' _Now all the drama can die down. Everyone can live their lives in peace. Especially his mother._ '

Evelyn Mellark was known to not be a very nice woman.  People in general were just not her thing, unless they had something to offer in the way of prestige or status.  Everyone else, including her husband and sons, that fell outside of her circle of prominence in whatever time, place or circumstance were simply… _not regarded_.  Her husband, Errol, was a loving but passive man who told himself that he stuck around for the sake of his sons.  Fathers seldom got full custody in divorce cases, he reasoned.  His greatest fear was allowing Evelyn to be around the boys unsupervised.  And, divorce would make that doubly hard to navigate.  Unless he was willing to send Evelyn to jail by exposing some of the things she’d done to their boys…especially Deacon.  But, he wasn’t willing.  Instead, he chose to run interference for the boys, ensuring that they spent as little time alone with the woman who gave them life as possible. 

Over the years, she still got her punches, licks and jabs in, but was stopped before she could do too much damage.  The incident with Peeta and the rolling pin had been the last straw.  It was the first time she’d been afraid of Errol.  He was a non-violent man, but that night he’d shoved her back against a wall and swore that he would ‘ _fucking end_ ’ her if she ever touched one of the boys again.  Although he apologized just as profusely to her as he had to Peeta for what happened, she never hit them again. But the damage had already been done.  Her sharp tongue simply took on the work that her fists could no longer do.    

* * *

Katniss didn't intend for him to see her staring. He looked up just long enough to lock eyes with her before turning his gaze back to the blonde. It lasted only a couple of seconds, but the stare was loaded with a tainted history. She quickly turned away, leaving the door jamb she’d been holding up, and walked swiftly out back to the gardens. Madge's father, Senator Undersee, had spared no expense on her wedding, as he did in every aspect of their lives. They lived in an enormous, opulent home complete with servants, gardens and a pool.  What the Senator provided in the way of celebrity, his wife matched in wealth. Clesi Undersee became the sole heir to a very large fortune after her only sister died in a boating accident.  

Since it was such a hot day, most of the guests remained inside. But, Katniss loved the outdoors.  She just needed time to be alone with her thoughts and emotions, and the feel of the sun on her skin always calmed her at times like this.  All those summers at her grandpa's farm down South taught her to deal with the heat, something most couldn't tolerate here in middle class Arizona. She'd choose this dry heat over the wet, muggy blanket of Louisiana heat any day.

Yes, living down South had taught Katniss many things; a love for the outdoors and a tolerance of the heat were among them.  She’d learned that people of different races could work together, learn together and shop together with no problem.  But, loving one another beyond a distant form of _Christian_ love was not acceptable!  She’d also learned that not being able to define a person by race often made people anxious. 

She was accustomed to being different, although being teased about her mixed ancestry was a lesson she could have lived without. Her father, a large gentle country boy with cocoa brown skin and grey eyes, adored her mother until the day he died.  But, his adoration was not enough to win him any favor with her family full of blonde-haired, blue-eyed merchants and business men. 

Both she and her sister, Prim were a perfect blend of their parents, though each inherited different traits from the pair.  Katniss had a deep olive complexion with a head full of long, dark curls.  She’d inherited her mother’s sharp features and her father’s piercing grey eyes, giving her a very exotic look.  She was small and slender in stature with legs and arms covered in lean, powerful muscle.  

Prim was fair and had also inherited her mother’s features, leaving no question of her and Katniss’ relation to each other.  The full lips from her father combined with her messy, dark blonde, corkscrew curls were the only clues to her lineage.  In fact, when she straightened her hair, most people assumed she was white.  Katniss never forgot the time at the mall when they were children.  Her dad had taken her and Prim there to spend gift cards sent to them by their Uncle Haymitch and his wife. A member of mall security kept following them from store to store and finally accosted her father on the suspicion that he’d kidnapped Prim.  They asked no questions about Katniss.

Abraham Everdeen had been assigned his duty station in Arizona when she and Prim were young.  He had assured them that such a diverse place would not present the same problems they'd experienced in other places. He always made sure she and Prim felt uniquely beautiful. People always told Katniss that she was beautiful, striking even. But it never mattered to her. They still looked at her like she was an oddity.

She reflected on her friendships with the small group of people she'd known throughout middle and high school. When she allowed herself to think about it, they really were a very diverse group. There was, of course, the happy couple consisting of Madge, who was privileged and could give less than a damn, and Marvel, the studious, serious type who was a lot of fun when he wasn't working. There was sweet, pretty Delly who was always giving love advice to others but never had a relationship of her own. There was beautiful, shy Annie who in high school would take the long way to class to avoid walking by a group of the cool kids. There was Finnick, the popular, wealthy playboy son of a popular, wealthy playboy who was secretly in love with Annie but was too afraid to tell her until he got drunk graduation night. There was crazy, slutty Johanna who'd done half the football team and even a couple of cheerleaders.  Rue had joined them in high school. A year younger than Katniss, she was definitely her closest female friend.  Katniss was very protective of the younger girl and liked that she wasn't catty, gossipy or vain like many girls.  Thresh was as quiet and gentle as he was physically intimidating. He and Rue dated secretly in high school as her strict father thought his little princess was far too young for a boyfriend.  It was nice to see them finally be together openly now that she was older.

There was Gale, her best friend whom she knew harbored secret feelings for Madge. She and Gale had been friends practically since the womb. Their fathers were old Army buddies who had served together and followed each other from one duty station to the next. And then they'd died together thanks to the generosity of a roadside bomb.

And then there was Peeta. They'd been friends since first grade, from the first time she stepped on the playground of the new school. All of the moving around from one Army base to another had made Prim a budding social butterfly.  The uniqueness of having lived in other countries and having a new home every two to four years suited the younger Everdeen girl.  As for Katniss, it only made her feel more out of place, awkward and shy.  She hated the feeling of being the new kid in class.  She hated the way people stared at her and asked her stupid questions like, ‘ _What are you_?’

‘ _Human! Duh!_ ’ was her standard reply.  It made her feel better as she watched their jaws drop in response, but it didn’t win her any friends.  Besides, she had Gale and Prim and she didn’t need anyone else.  But, the little blonde boy with the lisp and the unruly hair made her feel welcomed… liked even. He'd shared an iced cookie from his father's bakery on her first day at the new school and told her that she had pretty hair.

' _Your hair sthure isth pretty. It'sth different. I've never stheen any hair like it.'_

She shyly stroked the one long braid her mother fashioned every morning and responded with a hesitant, " _Th-Thanks_."

He smiled and handed her a cookie. From that day on she and Peeta became inseparable, having lunch together practically everyday. They parted ways slightly during middle school when some of the boys teased him for liking a girl with yucky brown skin.

" _Ew! her skin's the color of poo!_ " Clove Gable had said, inspiring raucous laughter until Thresh stood before her and stared her down.

" _Mine too. Wanna make something of it?_ "

Peeta took her hand and lead her away to safety.  She hadn't even considered that maybe Peeta liked her as more than just a friend until that telling bus ride to see the Nut Cracker in sixth grade. That's when Thom teased him unmercifully for sitting with her all the time. Clove Gable, who was undoubtedly jealous, spurred Thom on with her colorful commentary.  Gale, as usual, had run to her defense alongside Peeta and shut Thom up promptly. But, the damage had already been done. The message had already been sent. Being different in adolescence was not acceptable. It was the first time her best friend had warned her about developing feelings for Peeta.

' _We should stay with our own kind, Catnip. It's not worth it. That's what my dad would say.'_

Unbeknownst to Katniss, his protective nature was not the only motivator behind Gale's cautious words.  He was, after all, _her_ _kind_.  He had more in common with her than some privileged blonde kid.  He'd known her longer and understood her like no other, so he thought.

She hated that people teased Peeta.  Although he’d lost the lisp, he was still targeted for not hanging out with cooler people.  That combined with showing up to school with unexplained limps and bruises dampened his naturally jovial spirit.  Katniss hated when that happened.  She loved to see the light in his eyes and would do anything to keep it there.  So, she avoided him to save him from the teasing.

She’d learned from her best friend, Gale, and through her parents’ experience that we are assigned certain _appropriate_ archetypes of whom to love when we are born.  Straying outside of those lines brought nothing but pain and suffering.  Loving Peeta was not something she’d planned or even expected.  In fact, she tried for years to flat out _avoid_ it; for the world could be cold and cruel when you gave it the finger and loved whomever your heart chose.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss continues to ponder, in flashbacks to the past, the path of her and Peeta's relationship until the present.

Once high school started, the teasing stopped and no one really seemed to care that she and Peeta hung out all the time; except for Cato Mitchell. Perhaps it was that Peeta knew Cato had a thing for Katniss, but he never liked the guy. Cato was tall, dark, massive and extremely popular with the ladies. His star status on the football team was an egotistical source of pride for the boy who was actually a fairly decent human being when he wasn’t being a total douche. He had always had a thing for Katniss, and loved to taunt Peeta with that fact. He seemed to openly challenge her friendship with Peeta right under his nose. And he had every right to, _right_? Peeta was _not_ , after all, her boyfriend.

  
‘ _What’s the matter, blondie? Can’t handle a little competition?’_

But, the closer Cato tried to get, the more Peeta found his way back to her. Some would call it cock-blocking. At least, Cato did. So, they became inseparable again. They never talked about why they'd parted ways. Peeta just started hanging out at her lunch table again. They started doing their homework together at her house again. They started talking on the phone practically every day. It was easier now that every teen within an 8 mile radius had a cell phone. No more awkward moments on the line with Evelyn Mellark as Peeta rushed frantically to the house phone.

They rarely went to his house, though. It was too noisy, too tense, and Mrs. Mellark was always asking rude questions about her hair and other things. And Katniss’ responses to her questions did little to endear herself to the Mellark household.

"So tell me, Katniss. Is your mother married?"  
‘ _Yes, but my father died on a mission in Iraq when I was 11. He died protecting the rights of people like you. And, yes, they'll always be married.’_

"Is that your real hair or one of those...uh..weaves you girls like to get?"  
‘ _Is that your real face or did you get some work done?’_

"Do you and all of your siblings have the same father?"  
‘ _Why wouldn't we? Besides, that's sibling, not siblings. There are only two of us.’_

"What kind of name is Katniss? Is that African or something?"  
‘ _No, it's a flower. What kind of name is Peeta?’_

"What does your mother do for a living? She always seems to be home during the day when everyone else is working."  
‘ _She's a night nurse and works the late shift. When she’s not working at the hospital, she edits children's books for extra money. She works a lot to take care of me and my sister...single parent and all. If you took the time to actually talk to her when you call looking for Peeta, you'd know that!’_

  
She hated Mrs. Mellark. Besides being a racist, which Katniss learned as she got older and became more aware, she hit her kids. Peeta was so good and kind, she couldn't think of any reason to hit him…or any child for that matter. Her parents had never hit her and Prim. She wondered how Mr. Mellark had put up with her for so many years, but was thankful that Peeta had inherited his father's kind and gentle spirit.

  
Mr. Mellark would often hint to Peeta when his mother was going to be out so that he could invite Katniss over. He and Peeta's brother, Deacon, always greeted her with a smile. They were overly nice to her, she guessed, to compensate for the other two members of their household. Peeta's older brother, Vigo, was a bit more of a challenge; he was too much like his mother. He wasn't mean; he just avoided them altogether.

  
By junior year, Peeta had transformed into a well-muscled wrestler that made the girls giggle and rub their thighs together when they talked about him. Clove and her ditzy friend Cashmere seemed to wait just until Katniss was in earshot to express exactly what it was they would do with that Peeta Mellark.

  
‘ _He could pin my shoulders to the mat anytime.’  
‘I’ll make his yeast rise, alright.’_

  
Katniss continued to be completely oblivious to just how beautiful she was. When guys flirted with her, she chalked it up to them being horny teenage boys, telling Delly, " _They'd flirt with anything with a vagina."_

It took a while for Gale to warm up to Peeta, but he considered him an exception as far as guys went. But, he never missed an opportunity to remind her that

" _I hear these guys all the time in the locker room. They’ll say anything, make any promise to you to get in your pants. They have no intention of sticking around. They’ll use you as their playground until they fall in love with one of their own kind and get married. So, you be careful, Catnip. I don't wanna have to fight anybody over you."_

  
When Peeta asked her to the prom, his mother threw a hissy-fit and demanded that he take Delly Cartwright. She couldn't understand why he wanted to take…her. That's how Mrs. Mellark referred to Katniss….simply _her_ …which rolled off her lips like a disease.

  
‘ _What is the matter with you? Errol, talk to him!’_ But his father had simply stuttered something unintelligible and retreated to his office at the rear of the house.

  
‘ _What are you thinking asking her to one of the biggest, most visible nights of your high school career? What’s wrong with the other girls at your highschool?’_

_  
‘There’s nothing wrong with them.  But, they’re not her. I want to take Katniss.’_

  
All Evelyn could think about was that prom picture possibly showing up one day when Peeta was a prominent doctor or Senator. How would they be able to explain that they'd allowed their son to consort with mutts? Trash? Low-lifes? This thing with Peeta and that black girl had gone far enough, and she meant to put a stop to it. Being friends was one thing. Being seen together at the prom…in public…was an entirely different thing. They fought on into the night, but Peeta had eventually lost that fight. Or at least it seemed so. It was Deacon who inspired a plot that would ensure they could all avoid Evelyn’s wrath between that time and prom night. So, Peeta relented and asked Delly to the prom. She was initially a little shocked and a lot confused, until he explained what was up.

  
‘ _You know how my mom is. I really want to take Katniss. But…I can’t…’_

 _  
‘Say no more, Peeta.’_ Normally nice, sweet Delly was delighted to help Peeta pull one over on that bitch of a mother of his. Served her right for all the pain she’d inflicted on the boy.

  
‘ _Even if it means you have to spend the evening with Gale Hawthorne?’  
‘Shit, Mellark! Horny Hawthorne?_ ’ Peeta gave her a sheepish grin and batted his long eyelashes until she agreed. ‘ _You owe me! Big!’_

  
So the plan was hatched. Peeta took Delly to the prom, while she took Gale. They simply swapped partners at the dance and no one was the wiser. Peeta was just happy he got to spend the evening with the girl that he loved. But, it bothered Katniss. It didn't sit right in her gut to have to lie.

  
" _Your father's defiant spirit,_ " her mom said and smiled at her sadly.

  
They gave themselves to each other that night. They'd made a vow in ninth grade that they would be each other's first, no matter what.

* * *

**  
Flashback:  April 2005, Freshman Year**

  
' _Even if we're dating other people?' She stared at Peeta in mild disbelief._

_  
'Yeah, Katniss, especially if we're dating other people.' He'd practically inhaled his Jello cup while explaining to her the benefits of trading their virginity with each other. He tried to mimic a casual tone to mask his anxiety about her possibly belonging to someone else._

_Cato Mitchell was steadily making moves to make himself liked and available to the girl Peeta was unsure would ever be his. Holding on to Katniss as 'just a friend' was beginning to wear thin. There were other guys interested in her; and likewise, there were girls chasing after him, although he couldn't figure out why._

_'Must be the jock thing', he thought. Everyone was starting to ask just what was up with the two of them._

_  
'Peeta, that makes no sense. Why would we date others if we save ourselves for each other? Won't that be cheating?'_

_  
'I don't know. I just know I want it to be you. Best friends do this sort of thing all the time.' He didn't tell her that the real reason was that he couldn't stand the thought of her dating someone who wasn't him, let alone possibly being seen naked by someone besides him. But, he knew it wouldn't be fair to ask her to put up with his mother's hateful ways just to be his._

_  
'Well, Gale's my friend, too. Should I sleep with him?' She knew talking about Gale in this way worked him up. She secretly liked to see him get just a little jealous by thinking of her with someone else. He needed to know that the possibility was there. As long as Evelyn Mellark was alive, they would not be an official couple._

_  
'I'm sure Horny Hawthorne would love nothing more. After he's done with the cheerleading squad, I'm sure you'll rethink that,' Peeta responded with an intense scowl, his jaw clenching. He focused all of his attention on the half-eaten sandwich on his lunch tray in spite of her trying to hold his gaze._

_  
'So you're saying that we can't go out together, but I can be your…friend with benefits?' She knew this wasn't true, but she had to make him see things from her perspective. Peeta's mother would never allow them to date in peace without sneaking around. And his father was not going to stand up to her._

_  
His eyes widened, 'No, Katniss, I didn't mean it like that! You mean so much more to me than that.'_

_He reached across the table and placed his hand over hers. She instantly felt bad for toying with his feelings and stroked the side of his thumb with hers._

_  
'Look,' he said. 'I just know at this moment, there's no one I trust more than you. I don't take sex lightly.'_

_  
He nervously withdrew his hand when his older brother, Vigo, passed by their table. He started on his usual rant, looking around the cafeteria at all the students._

_  
'People seem to be just hooking up with whomever, and I don't want that. And I know you don't either. I may not wear a purity ring, but I know I can't be like my brothers. Others may come and go but we'll always be friends. Right?’_

_  
'Yeah, but I plan on saving myself until I'm married.'_

_  
She subconsciously twisted the purity ring on her left hand. She knew her wearing it put her mother's mind at ease. But, she honestly felt that sex couldn't be wrong if two people loved each other; provided they actually know what love is. If it wasn't going to be Peeta, it would definitely be the man she'd someday marry. She put the thoughts out of her mind, deciding she was too young to be thinking about having sex or not having sex or with whom to have sex._

_  
‘What about you? Don't guys have different…I don't know…needs or something? What if you meet the perfect girl tomorrow?’ He didn't tell her that he already had and she was seated right in front of him. He didn't tell her because she would have dismissed him, thinking it was only a line designed to get in her pants. ‘What if you just can't wait for me?’_

_  
‘I doubt if that'll happen. I don't even like any of these girls around here.’ She wondered what would happen when they went away to college. Maybe the attraction would die once he was in fresh waters with more interesting girls to distract him._

_  
He looked up suddenly, smirking, and said in a fake English accent, "Well, Miss Everdeen, if you should decide to shed yourself of your innocence before you walk down the aisle, I would like the first right of refusal." She playfully smacked him on the shoulder and saw Clove Gable eyeing her from behind his back with venom and envy._

_  
'Bitch,' she thought and began to play it up by smiling at him sweetly and batting her eyelashes._

_  
‘Oh, Peeta. You're so funny.’_

_He looked at her confused, knowing this was not how his friend normally behaved. It's one of the things he liked about her._

_She whispered, 'Don't turn around yet. Clove. Behind you. She's wetting her panties wondering why you're not falling all over her like the rest of the jocks here.’_

_He chuckled and enjoyed the fake attention for the short time it lasted.  For he knew it was only for the audience._  
…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss continues to ponder her and Peeta's complicated past. Flashbacks are in italics.

**Flashback: April, 2007, Prom Night Junior Year**

  
_"Prom night is so cliche', Peeta," she quipped. Joking her way through their relationship was her way keeping her heart afloat. It only confused Peeta into thinking maybe she wasn’t on the same page as he was._

  
_"I love you," he'd said, hoping to convey to her that tonight was not just about losing his virginity._

  
_"Of course you do. I have a vagina, don’t I?" she joked again, but he didn’t find it funny. "Gale says you just have jungle fever."_

  
_"Well, Gale's an ass. Personally, I think he's jealous." Peeta looked nervously around the cheaply furnished rented room. He wasn’t sure how to start something like this. What do two people typically do first when they decide they’re going to have sex?_

  
_"It's not so bad, is it?" He fiddled with the antiquated television to try to get a decent picture._

  
_"No. All the comforts of home." She saw his eyes flicker with the slightest bit of shame at her sarcastic remark._

  
_She picked up quickly, trying to correct her comment before he noticed. "It reminds me of a place we stayed on our vacation in Florida once. It was right near the beach. We had the best time! The best family vacation we ever had." She approached him and grabbed his hand to help ease his nerves…and her own. She wasn't sure whose hand was shaking the most, his or hers._

  
_"I'm sorry. I just wanted it to be special. Deacon recommended this place. I suppose I should've checked it out myself first."_

  
_"It's okay, really." She looked around at their plain surroundings. "It seems to be clean."_ _Her eyes landed on the boy she'd called her friend since the first grade._

_  
Their relationship had always had an undercurrent of unspoken interest beyond that of friendship. This was their first real step towards a fuzzy, grey area that lay between those warring factions, Friends and Dating. It was one they would have to navigate for years to come. She still wondered if this was the right thing to do. Not because she questioned whether Peeta was the right person. That, she knew. No, but she did question what would become of that grey area once they crossed this threshold. The conflict that would arise in Peeta's life once they announced they were together was just as real and frightening as her own internal fear that he didn't really want more than just some enhanced friendship._

_  
Of course, these fears conflicted with the ever-present feeling that she trusted him like no other. She'd spent the last two years asking herself critical questions about taking this step and she'd come to the conclusion that, regardless of outcome, it had to be Peeta. The past two years of uncertainty had found them slowly inching towards one another as other alternatives became less attractive and less likely. There was no one who understood her better; not even Gale. Although they referred to each other as 'friend', Peeta made sure to not get too close to any other girls, always reserving enough space to keep Katniss in his life without raising eyebrows._

_  
Her train of thought was interrupted when he jumped up and plugged his iPod into the portable speakers he'd packed. "Just a little something to…you know…set the mood." What he was really doing was buying time to settle the feelings in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't believe that he was finally here with the girl he'd been in love with since first grade. He'd created a special play list of both their favorite songs, as well as some older tunes he'd heard his dad listen to. He made his way back across the room and took her shaking hand._

_  
"Let's dance."_

  
_The dancing led to kissing. The kissing led to the removal of clothing, which led to a shedding of innocence as Al Green sang them into adulthood. He was every bit as gentle and kind and sweet as she expected him to be, constantly asking if she was okay and if he hurt her. She was even more beautiful and soft than he'd dreamt._

_  
Their union that night was both awkward and glorious. The pain was fleeting and was quickly replaced with pleasure. Knowing that she would forever share this part of herself with Peeta made whatever the future held insignificant. She didn't care what tomorrow would bring. She had this piece of him. Always._

_  
At the end of it all, neither of them could have been any happier with their choice to share this night with each other. The next day, he left a flower in her mailbox. She placed the purity ring in her jewelry box with a smile and wondered what her father would have thought of Peeta._

_  
Peeta loved her and he always told her so. She, on the other hand, couldn't bring herself to say the words. He needed the words. She knew this. But, she also knew the pain that would descend upon him once the world knew just how deep they were in. So she laughed it off, pretending that it was all in good fun. This worked for their entire junior and senior years because Peeta always left that little space for her. He never really had a girlfriend, only the occasional date to shut his mother up. Katniss never entertained advances from any other boy. Not even Cato. They snuck around, using their friends to shield the truth. When Peeta wanted to take their relationship public, she'd retreated remembering the black eye he sported in ninth grade after he called his mother a bigot._

* * *

  
As she grew out of high school and into college, she came to the conclusion that she'd simply been raised a little too idealistically. The world really does and always will care about what you look like. There will always be dividing lines to control and separate people. She didn't like it, but she could accept it. And the result: Peeta had another woman's scent on him.

  
Peeta had chosen, at his mother's insistence, to attend Georgia Tech University and pursued a degree in Industrial Design. It was a compromise between his choice of Art History and his parents’ choice of biology. He intended to use his artful eye and love of food to design a line of automated industrial baking equipment. He spent his summers between his father's bakery and the soup kitchen downtown.

  
Katniss had chosen to stay behind and attend Arizona State on a scholarship. It wasn't her first choice since she'd planned to 'see the world' after high school, but it kept her close and available to help her mom with Prim. Besides, money was tight and the scholarship saved them tons. When she wasn't working at the animal shelter, she volunteered at a local church helping the elderly and disadvantaged navigate the mountains of paperwork associated with everything from applying for health care to getting a loan.

  
The breakup had been her idea. She'd told herself that she did it for him because his mother could be cruel. His father, as sweet as he was, was a total wimp when it came to his wife. She'd already threatened to cut Peeta off and not pay for college if he stayed home to go to school with...her. Peeta protested, but had relented in the end when Katniss intervened telling him that his mother was right. That it was better for his future.

* * *

 

**Summer 2011, The Breakup**

  
_Peeta was due back at Georgia Tech to complete his last year of undergraduate studies in two weeks. The summer was sadly drawing to a close and it had been a good one. Between volunteering and working at the bakery to make extra money, he'd squeezed in every possible free minute to spend with Katniss. Things between them had never felt better or more promising. Sure, they still dealt with Evelyn's meddling, but he was overjoyed at the thought of finally being free of his mother's control within the next year. He was looking forward to graduating and making his own money, his own decisions and was beginning to feel more and more confident in approaching Katniss with discussions about their future. They were still too young to be married, yes, but they were certainly not too young to be making some life plans._

_  
He knew Katniss loved him, even if she'd never so much as come out and said it. It was in her eyes when she looked at him. It was in her sighs when they made love. It was in the little things she did for him…and to him. He no longer focused on getting her to say the words. Instead, he was laser-focused on getting from under his mother's control to show her how serious he was about them. He was in love with her, through and through._

_  
…_

_Evelyn Mellark walked into her spotless kitchen with her husband trailing silently behind her. The house was so quiet that all she could hear over her thoughts were the clunk of her high heels on the tile and the tinkle of Errol's keys landing on the breakfast bar._

_  
'If only he would say something. He just sits there and stares at me with these pitiful, forlorn eyes. Why didn't I marry a man of action instead of one that has so much emotion I swear he's got estrogen!?'_

_  
She had received the devastating diagnosis of cancer from Doctor Aurelius a month ago. She and her husband decided not to tell the children until treatment options could be explored. Today, she'd just found out that there weren't many options at her disposal. Yet, she was determined to not ruin Peeta's last year in college with the bad news. He was the one chance this branch of the Mellark Family had at any kind of success. He was bright, friendly and good looking. If she could just keep his head out of the clouds and steer him away from foolish thoughts of being an artist…and…get him married off properly to the right girl from the right family, all her worries would be over._

  
_Vigo was forever the mama's boy. He never challenged or crossed her, and she loved him for that. Although he was intelligent, he was far too passive and would likely spend his life working for others and doing their bidding. Deacon, the rebellious one, was simply unmotivated to do anything except chase girls and drink. It was clear to Evelyn that she had work to do in her last year of life. It was work she could not depend on Errol Mellark for. She sat there, silently thinking._

_  
'He's too soft and doesn't understand that children need to be shaped and molded into our vision for their lives. He would be content to just let them decide what's best for themselves, the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard! And it's my job to set it right before I leave this earth.'_

_  
The bottle of wine made four trips to the rim of her glass before Deacon walked through the door to find his mother seated at the kitchen table. He greeted her with his usual dismissiveness before peering into the fridge for sustenance._

_"Deacon, we need to talk."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Breakup, Part 2

**Flashback:  Summer 2011**

_When Peeta came home later that evening, he could see that she was in an emotional state, but he was accustomed to this. She had always been a drama queen, especially when alcohol was involved. She was seated in the kitchen with Deacon, berating him for his lack of responsibility and initiative. It was a scene as old as the welcome mat on the front step and had played out countless times in their home. Her tone, though, carried a rough sense of urgency that seemed new. Peeta sent his brother a look of intervention, but was silently waved away with his eyes. Deacon had always run interference for him, and Peeta welcomed any opportunity to repay the favor._

_But, Deacon's look said, 'No, bro. I got this one. Stay out of it.'_

_  
So, he headed upstairs, not paying any attention to his mother's tirade, to prepare for a date with Katniss. Evelyn on the other hand, had different plans as she sat in the kitchen informing her middle son of her disappointment in his lack of success in life. She had work to do before she left this earth and she aimed to get it done. She was going to whip Deacon into shape if it was the last thing she did. And she was not going to leave Peeta to the wiles of that 'girl'._

_  
"Your brother seems intent on allowing a piece of brown ass to cloud his vision...and his future. How does he expect to be allowed into any of the important social circles with a nigger on his arm?" she slurred._

_  
“Mom, shut up.” Deacon knew his mother did not hide her opinions on Katniss, but the alcohol was making her dangerously bold despite his repeated attempts to reason with her and shut her down before Peet heard. It was too late. Peeta bounded down the stairs with his heavy footsteps._

  
_"The next thing you know, she’ll be bringing little mutts to my doorstep proclaiming me their grandmother. That's all her kind is good for." She offered him a lopsided, sloppy smirk as he entered the kitchen._

  
_"Katniss means more to me than that. You might just be talking about your future daughter-in-law." It was his turn to smirk at the look of shock on her face. Evelyn was up out of her chair and had crossed the room before the last syllable had time to dry in the air. Her hand shot up towards his face, and on instinct, Peeta grabbed her wrist. Unable to make her intended connection, she gripped his chin with cold, steely fingers and spoke through teeth clenched in anger._

  
_"Have you lost your horny little mind? Sneaking off to have sex with that little nigger is one thing, but marriage, Peeta! Really?! After she gets through popping out a couple of mongrel brats with the name Mellark, you'll wish you'd never met her!"_

_Peeta glared down at her through darkened eyes filled with shame and rage. Hot blood seemed to course through his veins.  He'd heard that word one time too many from his mother's lips. "Right now I wish I'd never met you."_

_"I'm your mother!"_

  
_"And if I could suck your half of my blood from my body right now, I'd do it and not think twice. I'm ashamed that I even came from you." Her mouth went slack as her youngest son flung her hand away from his face in disgust. But, Evelyn did not give up a fight that easily. Tears in her eyes meant unbridled anger instead of sadness. They were flowing freely now as her hands worked into fists at her side._

  
_"Why can't you be more like your brothers? Have sex with her and move on. All she wants to do is get her hands on our money!"_

_"Mom, we own a fucking bakery! Not Southfork." Peeta shot back as he backed slowly towards the door._

_"She'll trap you! No son of mine is going to jeopardize what we've built for some...mutt…trash…black...slut!"_

  
_"Mom! Shut the fuck up!" Deacon was up out of his seat, standing menacingly between Evelyn and Peeta. Errol, who'd been avoiding listening from his office, ran into the room just in time to see Peeta lunge around Deacon towards his mother. He stood toe-to-toe with his mother and had his finger pointing threateningly at her nose. The rage that boiled inside was evident in the tiny tremors that shook the blonde curls that hung before his eyes. His massive chest heaved up and down._

  
_"You keep her name out of your mouth or I'll show you just how much I am your son"._

  
_He stood there locking eyes with his mother for what seemed like forever, his fist curled into a ball so tight at his side that his knuckles whitened. His stare became distant and glassy as if he were in a trance. He'd never felt himself so enraged and it frightened him. It felt as though someone had high-jacked the real Peeta and replaced him with this beast that wanted to unleash. Years of being hit, punched, ordered around and decided for came to a boiling point at that very moment. Peeta was done. But, he was not so out of control that he would hit his own mother. He had just taken a deep breath to calm himself when he felt the sting of her slap on his left cheek._

  
_Deacon stepped in the line of fire like he always had, and pushed Peeta aside as Errol grabbed his wife around her waist and pulled her towards the living room. Deacon shook his head and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and chuckled as she turned her entire, trembling body in her sons' direction._

  
_"What the hell are you laughing at?"_

_"Irony, mom. Hypocrisy. You know what that is? You called Katniss a slut, but you were pregnant on your wedding night."_

  
_Deacon stood square-shouldered, a good 4 inches taller than Peeta and even broader. Although his mother's abuse hadn't done much physical damage since middle school, his soul was punctured and porous._

_"Vigo looks like you, but he doesn't act anything like the rest of us. Is he even dad's kid?"_

  
_She tried to lunge back at her sons, but was stopped by her husband's grip. "You get out!"_

_The chuckle that left Deacon's throat didn't jive with the trace of a tear on his lower lash. "What's the matter, mom? Didn't figure the family fuck-up could do the math? You were pregnant when you got married, weren't you?"_

  
_Evelyn appeared as if she had lost her mind. She bent over at the waist with her fists pounding on her thighs and screamed at the top of her lungs._

  
_“Get out!”_

  
_Errol screamed at his sons to leave their home until things calmed down as he dragged his wife from the kitchen. She collapsed into his arms as Peeta stormed from the house followed by Deacon._

* * *

  
_Peeta headed to meet Katniss at the gardens. She knew immediately that something was very wrong when she saw him. His hair was disheveled and his eyes kept darting about as they walked._

  
_"Peeta, what happened?" He tried to play it off as just another one of his mom's tirades, but she knew something was very different. He looked simultaneously angry and close to tears. He knew he couldn't lie to her, of all people. So, he told her what had happened._

  
_She listened to his words as she thought of her parents. She knew Peeta's mother didn't like her, but this sounded like pure, unabashed hate. Iris Everdeen had married her father against her family's wishes and things were never good between the two sides. She and Prim grew up virtually isolated from cousins and relatives that they'd never gotten to know. Her father's family was a presence in their lives, but her mother's family had been virtually absent for their entire existence. When her father died, Iris did not have the support system she needed to deal with the aftermath. Her father's Uncle Haymitch had moved to Arizona to help her after his wife died, and he was pretty much the only extended family that they had._

  
_She did not want this for her future children, if she had children at all. She did not want to be her mother. No one should have this type of effect on her. And what would become of them when Peeta would eventually have to distance himself from his family? Would he resent her? What would become of her if he ever decided this was too much? That she wasn't worth the trouble. She wasn't even sure she could come close to fulfilling the romantic fantasy he'd spent most of the last fifteen years cultivating. Facing an angry Peeta now who still harbored some feelings for her would be better than facing an indifferent Peeta later who no longer loved her. She knew she had to end things. Today._

  
_It was something she'd been turning around in her head for weeks, but was going to wait until the Christmas break to do. The summer had been too glorious, she thought, to soil it with a breakup that she knew was coming. After giving it more thought, she decided, in her skewed sense of relationships, that the compassionate thing would be to break up with him now so that he could get over her by the time school started and he could actually have fun in his senior year. He'd spent the last three years video chatting with her instead of going to parties and dating other girls. The least she could do was to give him his last year, no matter how much it hurt. It made perfect sense to a girl who had been taught that love could only lead to personal destruction and heartbreak; and that feelings were best stuffed in a box to allow one to do what was necessary. So, she broke up with the boy with the iced cookie and the blue eyes._

  
_"Katniss…please…”_   
_“Peeta, I can’t keep doing this.”_

  
_“Doing what? Being with me? I don't give a damn what my mom or anyone else thinks. I can even deal with you not saying the words."_

_His voice was thick with defeat and the thought that she was responsible for the sadness in his eyes almost brought her to her knees._

_"You’ve never said you love me, but if you can say to me 'I **don't** love you,' I'll walk away. But, I have to hear you say that before I believe it."_

  
_Her eyes flickered as the blood rushed to her head and she felt the slightest bit faint. Not saying something was easier than outright lying. But, she had to do this; to spare him the nightmare of her. She calmed her face but could do little to stop the hot tears from descending past her eyelids. Her barely audible declaration pierced his heart like an ice dagger as his own tears fell._

_"Y-Yes, I'm saying th-that I enjoy our times t-together…and you'll always have a special place in my heart, b-but…"_

  
_"You're fucking kidding me. Even now, Katniss? If you can't say you love me now then what else is there?"_

_"Peeta…" She reached out for his hand which he deftly snatched away._ _"Please don't…"_

_"Don't what? Don't expect to love a girl who actually fucking loves me back? Fuck this. Fuck me."_

  
_As sweet as he was, Peeta could be hard to reach when he was pushed too far. It was a side rarely displayed and usually a surprise to those who only knew his kind and gentle nature. It was a stark contrast to who he was ninety percent of the time; almost Jekyll and Hyde. He was never violent, but to try and reach him during these episodes was useless. He paced in front of her raking his hands through his hair and she knew this would be the last time she'd see him make that gesture. She knew she'd screwed up. She wanted to suck the words right out of the air, but to do that now and tell him that she didn't mean it would make him hate her even more. So she just stood there, lip trembling and eyes misting._

  
_He wanted to plead with her but was too emotionally drained after the encounter with his mother. He was also worn down by Katniss' constant back and forth from passion to indifference, hot to cold._

  
_"Peeta, we're still so young. I…I don't know what it is that I feel…things are so complicated…I just need…I think we need a break from each other…to figure a few things out." She was stuttering and babbling like an idiot and not making much sense._

  
_"Let me know when you work that out, Katniss, alright? Let me know when me wearing my heart on my sleeve for the last four fucking years is enough for you."_

  
_They were beginning to draw attention from others, so he left her standing there at the gardens. He was heartbroken. She was just…broken._

_He poured his hollowed out heart into his car and sped away to call Finnick and Deacon to meet him at a bar. They spent the entire night getting stinking drunk. He ended their drunken spree when Finnick tried to convince him to let some drunk girl give him a blowjob in the men's room. He felt like shit for leaving Katniss at the gardens._

_She obviously needed something more, but what was that? Why couldn't she just tell him what had her so unsure? Would she ever be sure?_

 

_She didn't completely lose it until she was safe inside the cocoon of her closet, where she found solitude and refuge just as she did after her father died. She didn't want her mother and Prim to hear her wailing like a wounded animal. It was that night that she began to obsessively stroke her lips with the single pearl pendant that Peeta had given her a couple of Christmases ago._

_Why hadn't he fought harder?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter concludes the breakup flashback and brings us back to the present.

_Evelyn found her two youngest sons passed out in the living room the next morning. She hadn't given up on her quest to get through to him. When Peeta awoke at her kicking the bottom of his foot, she threatened to withhold support for him in his last year in college if he so much as entertained the idea of marrying Katniss._

  
_He informed her, with the smug air of a game show announcer, that it didn't matter anymore because Katniss broke up with him the previous night anyway._

_That 'The stars will suddenly right themselves in the sky'._

  
_That 'warring countries will now find peace'._

  
_That she could now 'sleep a little sounder knowing that the Mellark name will never be carried by his and Katniss' little brown babies'._

  
_She held herself stoically, but couldn't help the small ember of happiness that welled in her chest at hearing this._

  
_"Finally, you've come to your damn senses and see this girl for what she is."_

  
_He told her that he was returning to Georgia to finish his last year without the family's financial support. After all, he had maintained his scholarship and he could hold down a job to support himself in his last year, thank her very much._

  
_He told his dad that he deserved better than to be treated like a burdensome employee by his own wife. That although her family's money had saved the bakery from bankruptcy, its continued success was all due to Errol Mellark's relationship with people in the community who respected him.  And that he wished he'd stood up to her...just once._

  
_He told his mother that if she could deal with explaining to her social circles why she was estranged from her children, he'd be glad to accommodate her. That he'd dealt with her bullying and control for longer than he wanted to. That she was a bigot, a racist and a miserable woman who didn't deserve a man like his father. That if he never saw her again a day in his life, he'd be just fine. That she was never to say one negative thing about Katniss ever again in his presence, even if they weren’t together._

  
_Finn and Deacon kept him too busy to even think over the next two weeks until it was time to go Back to Georgia. His friends might have had success at talking some sense into Katniss if she hadn't removed the battery from her cell phone. She didn't leave the house for two weeks, drawing concern from Prim and her mother so much that they considered taking her to see a doctor. When she wasn't sleeping or taking bizarrely long showers, she simply stared at a spot on the carpet in her room while she tied knots in the string of her Georgia Tech hoodie. When they cared enough to leave her alone, she locked her bedroom door, climbed inside her closet, plugged her iPod into her ears and cried. She burrowed her slender body deep into the mass of clothes and busied herself fondling the pearl that Peeta had found on a trip to the beach and turned into a necklace as a Christmas present. It was wonderful therapy, really. Each time she emerged, the pain was a little easier to bear…or bury_.

  
_Upon returning to school, Peeta almost immediately took up with Glimmer who had been flirting with him since they were introduced in their freshman year by her Aunt Alma, his mother's college roommate. He'd told her all about Katniss over the years, but Glimmer simply bided her time, feigning friendship, while she explored all of the ripe, male offerings on campus. The observant young woman had sensed a difference in Peeta when he returned to school in the Fall and she soon found a vacancy in his heart. Her blonde hair and flawless body drew the attention of most of the popular athletes on campus, flattering Peeta in her pursuit of him as he was the only non-athlete she even gave the time of day. She was pretty, fun and could be quite sweet when she wasn't being superficial or flirting right under his nose._

  
_In the beginning, he knew it was mostly about the sex, the conquest. The punctured heart that Katniss had left him with made him vulnerable to Glimmer's constant attention and attempts to get him into bed. Their times together felt emotionally empty but physically gratifying, he had to admit. Unbeknownst to Glimmer, he poured all of his anger at Katniss into every kiss, every thrust. He tried to erase the way his skin had memorized the sensation of Katniss' touch. The one thing he couldn't bring himself to do, although Glimmer assured him that she was clean and protected against pregnancy, was to go without a condom. This irritated her to no end. Each sexual encounter started with her tantrums and ended with her moans._

  
_"I'm not dirty, Peeta."_

  
_But he always made up some lie about it being for her protection. It made her chase him harder to think that there were other girls and it poked holes in his rumored virginal mystique. Katniss was the only other person that he'd been with, and he somehow felt the need to keep that part of their relationship sacred; locked away. Only her wet skin had slid alongside his. Only her scent had lingered on his lips after lovemaking. Glimmer wasn't Katniss. And she never tried to be. She knew that Peeta was in love with Katniss.  She figured that once he tasted her love, it would be only a matter of time before he'd eventually get over Kantniss. But, Peeta had never gotten over Katniss...or tasted Glimmer.  In spite of her requests, he'd never gone down on her.  Glimmer got around and he wasn't sure how careful she was._

  
_As for Katniss, she had the ability to shut her emotions down when they became overloaded. She spent the first two weeks in utter conflict over her breakup with Peeta. Each time her hand reached for the phone to dial his number, she chastised herself for being weak. She told herself it would be no different than when he left her to go back to school each semester, only this time he wasn't coming back. It helped her make it through those first rough days. She knew he'd find someone quickly. And if rumor was true, he had found someone shortly after arriving back at school. It was then that she completely shut her emotions off. He didn't even try to fight for what they had._

  
_But, Cato fought. Hard. To get her attention. He saw her on campus everyday looking dejected, and was happy to collect whatever she had left of her heart that wasn't locked behind the secret door marked Peeta Mellark. He'd admired her for years from a distance and, unlike Gale and Peeta, hadn't been able to break through the veneer around her. But, he was patient. He could wait. He'd waited this long...he could wait a little longer. And he liked her more than any of the other girls he messed around with._

  
_The truth was that she'd wanted Peeta to defy his mother. The truth was that he'd wanted her to say just once that she loved him. Neither voiced their wants, so neither happened. Gone was the pain of repeated separations. It had been replaced by the unbearable, constant pain of being apart._

* * *

**June 2012**

  
Madge and Marvel didn't waste any time getting married right after graduating from college. Peeta had been in town for about a week and Katniss had seen him only once before the wedding when she'd walked into the rehearsal dinner about 10 minutes late, having been unsuccessful in convincing herself that they wouldn't miss one bridesmaid.

  
Things soon turned tense after all of the hugs and _I've-missed-yous_ had been exchanged because everyone was waiting to see what would transpire between Peeta and Katniss… _PeeNiss_ , _KatPee_ , _Everlark_. It was just after he hugged her that the blonde came bouncing from the bathroom. Her boobs looked like they were hoisted skyward by some invisible wire. Katniss' stomach turned as she imagined his face buried in those perfect, pink, artificial orbs. Gale and Finnick couldn't stop staring at them and were rewarded with a scowl and a good cussin' out later.

  
"Wow, you must be Katniss. I'm Glimmer." Katniss looked at Peeta with raised eyebrows as if to silently repeat ' _Glimmer? Really?_ '

  
She put on her social face and shook the woman's hand. "Pleased to meet you, uh...Glimmer, is it?"

  
"Yes, I guess our Peeta has a thing for women with unusual names."

 _Our Peeta_? "Nice to meet you, Katniss. You're just as pretty as Peeta described you. No, more, I think." Peeta couldn’t look her in the eye.

  
She thought, _Gah, please be a bitch. No one with boobs like yours can be that nice!_  
"Thank you...Glimmer."

  
They avoided each other all night with the exception of the one time she sensed his eyes boring a hole into the side of her face over the baked beans. She pretended she didn't notice. That night at Madge's bachelorette party, Glimmer got stinking drunk and ended up with the stripper's body oil all over her silk dress. This made her feel secretly and shamelessly good as if it were some small token of retribution.

  
Now she was here at the wedding hanging all over Peeta, putting her blonde scent all over him. She could hardly take two steps without sticking her tongue in his mouth. He must be happy. Growing more disgusted with his behavior and her own jealousy, Katniss wandered from the Undersees' gardens to the pool to rest a bit. The sound of footsteps barely registered over her silent thoughts as she slipped off the fancy shoes that cost way too much and placed her feet in the cool water.

  
"You okay, Catnip?"

  
"Hey, Gale. Yeah. I'll do." Gale sat down and rolled up his tuxedo pants, removed his rented shoes and put his feet in the water next to hers.

  
"I like Mellark and all, but I'll still kick his ass for you."

  
She gave him a small thankful smile and her heart fluttered at how protective her friend had always been of her. He was like a big brother, the best kind. They’d been through so much together. He’d been her rock through this whole thing with Peeta, but she knew her pain weighed on him. People often confused them for siblings with their strikingly similar qualities. Their resemblance to each other was uncanny except for the fact that Gale was a deeper shade of brown than she. They both had, coincidentally, piercing grey eyes and curly hair that was so dark it was nearly black.

  
She sometimes thought Gale went overboard with the race thing. But, he meant well. It was his defense against rejection from a sometimes fickle world. Both of Gale’s parents were biracial, and his father’s experience had been less than ideal. She knew that Gale’s anger at the world came through his father’s filter. Joseph Hawthorne, whose white father left his mother a pregnant unwed teenager, had never reconciled the two worlds living within himself. Both Katniss’ parents saw the world a little differently and they'd raised their children with their idealistic views.

  
Her father would often say to Joseph, "People are people. We all have our trash and our treasures. Your father did what he did because he was an asshole. Not because he was white."

  
Gale’s huge feet splashing in the water brought her back to her senses.

"You're not kicking anybody's ass, Gale. I'm fine. He and his little hooker...I mean girlfriend look very happy."

  
"I told you, though. They always end up with their own kind. Didn't I tell you that?"

  
"Gale, please! Not now."

  
"Katniss, you're a beautiful girl. There are other guys that would kill to be with you. Like Cato, for one. I mean Mellark is a good guy and all. He's one of the exceptions, I really believe that. But, his mother hates you."

  
She pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. "Believe me, everything you're telling me I've told myself ten times over. I'm just tired of putting on the mask, Gale. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay being without him. I'm tired of pretending that being his friend is enough.  But, it's too late for that.  I hate seeing him with her! I hate his mother! I hate that my dad's not here! I hate this town!" She stopped to take a deep breath.

  
"You can't run from this shit, Catnip. It'll always matter. No matter where you go."

  
"Gale, I'm leaving at the end of the summer. I got my letter from U. C. Berkeley Law School." Gale just nodded. And Peeta had the scent of another woman on him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Katniss is a coward but isn't she always when it comes to loving Peeta? Her fears have been shaped by outside influences, namely adolescent teasing, Gale and Mrs. Mellark, from an early age. I am hoping people will see Katniss' vulnerability even in her skewed choices. Don't forget, she's also protecting him at the same time that she's protecting her own heart. I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everdeen v. Mellark

The knock on her front door rudely shocked her out of the quiet reverie she was enjoying with her copy of **Jane Eyre**. She'd read it three times before and it still captivated her. This was the only activity that had succeeded in taking her mind off Peeta, so she cursed the visitor before she even knew who it was. Her breath hitched when she opened the door.

  
"Peeta?" She stood there staring, not sure what to think or say. She grappled for some form of mental control and willed it to reflect on her face as he shuffled back and forth from one foot to the other.

  
"Can I come in?" he asked after an awkward silence. She reluctantly moved aside to let him in. With his hands shoved in his jeans pockets, he moved inside and stood there.

  
"What do you want?" she asked, more rudely than she intended.

  
"Good to see you, too." He offered a weak smile.

  
She stood there with her arms folded across her chest. Her mom and Prim were out and it was just the two of them. He fidgeted nervously.

"I just wanted to come to see you." She looked at him, confusion causing her brow to crease. "We...uh...haven't talked...just us...since I've been here."

  
"Where's Glitter?"

  
"Glimmer."

  
"Whatever."

  
"On a plane. Headed back to Georgia.” He looked at her guiltily, “Thank God."

  
"Hmph. I guess your tongue needed a break," she said. He laughed. She didn't. He sobered. She wondered if he smelled like her even now as he stood in her foyer.

  
"It's not like you think."

  
"I don't think anything. It's your life, Peeta. But, she doesn't look like your type."

  
"What is my type, Katniss?" She shook her head, willing her heart to slow down just long enough to gather her nerve.

  
"Peeta, what do you want from me?" The words stuck in his throat and he couldn't answer. He really didn't know. But, then again he did. Instead of answering right away, he did what he'd wanted to do since the rehearsal dinner. He reached one hand out and stroked the single, thick braid hanging over her shoulder.

  
"Can we go talk somewhere? I need to get out of this neighborhood."

* * *

  
The botanical gardens had always been one of her favorite places to hang out and just think. Nature had a calming effect on Katniss. Back when things between them were good, they'd take turns coming either here or Peeta's favorite spot, the art museum. Today, he insisted on her favorite. They walked around the gardens silently at first, feeling every bit as awkward as they did on their first secret date.

  
They caught up on summer plans, the weather and town gossip. Finally exhausting of the idle chatter, they could talk about why they were really here.

  
"I don't love her, you know."

  
"I didn't ask if you did."

  
He nodded, understanding her hesitation.  
"So, how's Cato?"

  
They spent the next half hour properly diminishing the importance of the others in their lives. Glimmer was a diversion set up by his mom and her old college roommate. That woman's arm of influence reached across six states to ensure her son chose a woman of her liking. She was fun and got them into all the good parties.

  
For Katniss, Cato was a convenient outlet; a pressure relief valve of sorts. Peeta's jaw clenched when he heard this, but he silenced his inner hypocrite. Cato was a bit of a tool but, a decent guy once you got past all the ego. He never pressured her to give more than she could. She saw him on her terms; when she had time. He never questioned her long absences, which she liked and took at her leisure. She knew she'd never be able to give him what he wanted, and he settled for whatever she had to offer.

  
They grabbed a bite to eat together and traded shy glances across the table; acting as if they'd never seen each other naked before. She could feel that tightening in her stomach again, just like always when he smiled at her. His blue eyes had always been her undoing. He could feel his palms getting moist and went to wipe them on his jeans. Her beauty had always unsettled him. He loved the silky smoothness of her skin. Her thick and luscious hair made his fingers twitch to run through it again.

  
"How's your family?” she asked. He stared down at his burger in silence for a couple of seconds before revealing that his mother had cancer. Every mean thing she'd ever thought about the woman receded to the background. The only thing that mattered was that the man she...loved?...was sitting before her with tears rimming his eyes.

  
"Oh, Peeta!" She reached out and covered his hand with hers. It was almost involuntary. "I know ' _I'm sorry_ ' doesn't cut it, but I truly am." Tears were now burning beneath her eyelids and she was sure they were more for him than Evelyn Mellark.

  
"It's terminal. I just found out. She wouldn't tell me until after I graduated. She's only got a couple of months." Now the waterworks begin. In spite of herself, she couldn’t hold back the tears. The stress of the wedding and the emotion of seeing him again all weighed on her in that moment. Peeta’s eyes were sad, but dry. So, she got her shit together and stepped up.

  
"Peeta...I don't know what to say...except that I'll pray for her every night." He smiled at her and was touched by the kindness and genuine emotion she showed...not to him, but to the woman that had been so cruel to her. His mother, who had called the girl he loved a mutt right to her face.

  
"Katniss, it's okay if you're not sad. She was horrible to you."

  
"Peeta, I know she's not a happy woman. I know she can't stand me. But, I've never wished her any harm. I can't feel that way about anyone that you love."

She saw an almost imperceptible smile grace his lips before he said, "She wants to see you."

  
"What?!"

  
The shock in her voice drew looks from others in the food court. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "What could she possibly have to say to me?"

  
"I think she's sorry, Katniss."

  
"Or...she wants to kill me. I mean, who'd arrest her now?" She didn't intend for the joke to come out, but it succeeded in making him chuckle. He didn't press the issue, but only looked at her with those eyes that made her weak.

  
"I don't know what she could possibly want to say to me, but...okay."

* * *

  
The room smelled like vomit and antiseptic. Katniss had always been keenly aware of smells, particularly the scents that people carry. This woman's scent was that of death. She was seated in the middle of the bed like a queen perched on her sickly throne. As if she weren't already pale enough from the lingering effects of chemo, her light blue satin scarf only enhanced it. Katniss stepped in tentatively and waited to be acknowledged.

  
"Come on in, dear." I see she still doesn't know my name.

  
"Hello, Mrs. Mellark."

  
The older woman looked at her thoughtfully, waiting for her to take the chair she gestured towards, before speaking. "Well, now. We haven't exactly gotten off to a good start, have we?"

  
"I suppose not. Although I did try."

  
"That, you did." Mrs. Mellark looked at Katniss as if she was seeing her for the first time.

She continued.  "Look, I'm not going to pretend that I like you all of a sudden. And I don't expect this to end in some tear-jerk of a Lifetime Movie moment where we make amends and become best friends. I'm a dying old woman who has a lot of time to look back on her life and rethink things." Katniss looked at her, curious to see where this was going.

"I'm also not going to pretend that how I treated you was okay. But, one thing I do know is that my son loves you and no amount of threats or reasoning has deterred him from that. That means there must be something special about you."

  
"Imagine that," Katniss snorted sarcastically.

  
The older woman chuckled and nodded her head, "I deserve that."

  
She looked up at Katniss and smiled. "I don't always understand my sons'...choices. But, one thing this cancer has taught me is that sometimes we just have to accept what is. I was not always the best mother to my boys or the best wife to my husband. But, I've asked for their forgiveness and made my peace with it."

  
‘ _Hmph! An arrogant bitch even to the end!’_ , Katniss thought.

  
"Peeta asked me a long time ago to stand out of the way of you two, and I didn't. I was happy when you broke up with him, I’ll admit. But, I also saw something leave his eyes." She looked down and started fiddling with the covers thrown over the tube leading into her body.

  
"His eyes reminded me of a pair of eyes I've had to look into for the last twenty-five years: his father's eyes. He never really loved me, you know. Not the kind of love Peeta has for you.”

For the first, and what would be the only time, Katniss felt sorry for the woman. The vacant, forlorn look in her eyes as she acknowledged that the love of her life did not love her back was soul stirring.

  
“Errol Mellark is an honorable man and he tried to make it work. Oh, but how I loved him! I was willing to play second fiddle just to be in his presence. But, I always knew the lights came on for someone else."

She looked up at Katniss with a crooked smile and her head cocked to the side.  "She looked a lot like you." Katniss' eyebrows knitted in confusion for a minute before it dawned on her what the woman was implying. She gasped.

"Yes, that's right. Of course, growing up in the Deep South in the 1970's, that didn't set too well with anybody. His parents would have none of that and my parents needed to find me a husband, so they conspired to get us together. The next thing you know, Vigo was on the way and so, here we are."

She fell silent as she regarded everything in the room except Katniss. She seemed to have more to say, but didn’t know how to continue.

  
"It occurred to me that it is far too late to try and be a good mother to Peeta…any of the boys. I've done too much damage to try and give him his childhood back over the next two months I have left to live. But, what I can give him is his future. And that's _you_." She got lost in thought for so long that Katniss feared she'd drifted off to sleep.

  
"There's two things I like most about you Ms. Katniss Everdeen." So she does know my name.

  
"The first and most important is that you love my son. He's a good boy and deserves to have that in his life. The second is that you don't compromise your principles for anyone; not even the man you love. And I do know you love him, by the way. By refusing to continue to sneak around with him, you've made him stronger. You made him stand up to me, and that takes a lot for someone like Peeta."

  
Katniss could feel her blood begin to boil at what this woman was implying about her own son! The temper she inherited from her father was making her see red and forget the fact that this was a sick, old woman. This was the woman who had abused Peeta for all those years. She'd controlled the men in her family with an iron fist and called it love! _And Katniss had had enough._

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everdeen v. Mellark, Part 2. Katniss and Peeta's mom continue their conversation.

  
"What do you mean, ' _someone like Peeta_ '? He's not some weakling! He's one of the strongest people I know, mentally and physically." She could feel her voice rising along with the temperature in the room. The woman's initial shock was quickly replaced by shame. She remained speechless, taking Katniss' diatribe silently.

  
"How else could he have withstood all those years of abuse from you, his own mother? You're lucky he never finished you off! He was certainly big enough since the eighth grade, just in case you hadn't noticed. But, he loves you in spite of the fact that you're a mean, nasty, unhappy, horrible woman. Do you honestly think he couldn't have defended himself physically against you? Look at him! He didn't fight back because he loved you and felt sorry for you."

She realized she'd stood up and had begun to pace back and forth. She gathered herself once again and sat down. "And what makes _you_ so sure I love him?"

"Oh, girl. I _know_. I know that look. It's only _love_ that would make you go off on me like you just did. It's only _love_ that would've made you willing to put up with what I dished out all those years. And in the end it was _love_ that made you tell him to go ahead to school in Georgia. It was even _love_ that made you send him on his way. But, there's something else you're afraid of. What is it? Besides me, I mean?"

  
"Oh, it's not you I'm afraid of." The woman laughed nervously at the steely gaze that met hers. The girl tried to pick up where she left off, opening and closing her mouth in search of the right words...words she had never been good at forming. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes and she was damned if she was going to let this woman see her cry, death bed or not!

  
"I guess...I'm afraid he'll regret his decision. I couldn't live with myself if his eyes stopped lighting up when I walked into a room. Even if it meant only seeing him at socially appropriate holidays and reunions. I need that light! I don't want our relationship to be a burden to him. When kids teased him about me in school, I stayed away from him. When our relationship got him in trouble with you, I did settle for just sneaking around. I sat at home miserable when he had to attend dances with other girls." She stopped to take a much needed deep breath and clean her face of the tears that had betrayed her before she continued.

  
"I do love Peeta. But, I want to love him openly and without him being hurt for it. If I can't have that, then I'll walk away." She hesitated with the thought that maybe it was not right that she said these words to his mother before saying them to him.

  
"Then, why have you never told him? Right now he thinks that you don't want to ever marry him or have children."

  
"It's not that I don't want to marry _him_. If I ever married anyone, it would be Peeta. I've always known that. I just don’t know about marriage. I...I just don't know what I'd do if I ruined what we have. As for children, I refuse to bring them into a world where their grandmother hates them, or just flat out avoids them. I couldn't do that to my kids. ' _Guess what, honey? Your grandmother hates the sight of you. Now finish your breakfast._ ' I'd rather not, thanks."

  
She saw the first flickering of guilt in the woman's eyes, though only momentary.  
"Darling, in a minute here I will no longer be a factor. In case you haven't noticed, I'm on my way out. But, I know how much this would mean to Peeta, so I want you to know that as of this day...you have my blessing."

  
"When you said I made him stand up to you, what did you mean?"

  
"Ah, I see you were paying attention. Last summer before his senior year, he told me he intended to ask you to marry him after graduation. I threw a fit of course. Peeta rounded on me like an alpha male defending his turf and told me he'd be just fine with me not being a part of his life. I knew then about the cancer, but he didn't. It hadn't really hit home that I was facing mortality so I was just as stubborn and arrogant as ever. I called his bluff and dared him." She paused for a deep breath and to ask the girl to pour her another cup of water from the side table.

  
"Damn medicine makes me so thirsty. Apparently, when he came to talk to you that night, that's when you broke it off with him. He came home sloppy drunk and said you never wanted to marry him. That there would be no kids and I didn’t have to worry anymore."

  
"Oh. My. God. But, he never asked me to marry him. I remember this conversation...and..." her heartbeat rose and fell again as she recalled his demeanor that night. She had once again failed him when he needed her most.

  
"That night we got into an argument and I told him it was probably best that we just stopped seeing each other. That it would never work." The realization of how stupid she'd been descended upon her in one fell swoop. She'd been so hell-bent on protecting Peeta, she hadn't even bothered to consult with him on what _he_ wanted. Mrs. Mellark gave her a knowing nod and just as oddly as it had begun, the conversation was over.

  
Katniss bid goodbye to the woman, knowing that it was not likely that their paths would ever cross again in life. There were no admissions of "I'm-sorry" or tear-filled hugs. She simply approached the bed and uttered "Thank you" before leaving the room.

* * *

Peeta was pulling into his parents' driveway when she walked out the front door with red-rimmed eyes. He met her halfway and grabbed her by the shoulders before she could open the car door.

"Katniss. Is everything okay?"

  
"Yes, Peeta. Your mom's fine. It was just...emotional." He loosened his grip, satisfied that no harm had been done to either of them.

  
"Do you have to leave so fast? Can we talk about it?"

  
"I'm just...spent. I just need some time to...be alone." He looked disappointed, but understanding framed his face.

  
"I'm glad you came. I'd like to see you again. Soon." They looked at each other silently for a few seconds, each looking for something in the other's eyes that signaled continuance. Peeta, as always, was the first to fill the gap.

  
"I just saw Finnick at the bakery. He says he's having a party on Friday to celebrate Madge and Marvel's wedding. Just close friends he says."

  
"But, they're already on their honeymoon in Europe." She looked at him confused.

  
"You know Finn. Any excuse for a party. Please come. I want to see you outside of all of this... craziness."

  
She hesitated, unsure. "I don't know. I need to see what's up with mom and Prim that night."

  
"Please try, Katniss." It was harder to say no when he used her name like that. She locked onto his eyes and couldn't seem to look away. Almost subconsciously, she licked her lips and her eyes darted down to his mouth. He, in turn, licked his lips; the same ones that used to carry her scent before he found another.

  
His brain was cloudy as he became aware that he still had his hands on her small shoulders. The appearance of a sliver of her tongue brought back memories of stolen kisses in the school hallways and secret rendezvous at Finn's place. He was determined to take every opportunity to draw her closer to him while he had it. He'd promised himself that much. So, he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed her.

  
His mouth covered hers, coaxing a reaction that only took mere seconds. Her arms unfolded from over her chest and found their way around his waist. She opened herself to him as he pulled her in closer, moving his hands from her shoulders to either side of her face. He kissed her lips, her nose, her cheeks and forehead for so long she was afraid someone might catch them.

  
"I miss you," was all he said as he looked pleadingly into her eyes.

  
When she finally pulled away, she cursed herself for not knowing what to do next. She didn't respond with the code words they'd used throughout college, " _Like crazy._ " And he understood why. She sped away without saying anything, but she knew she'd see him at the party. She just knew.

* * *

When she arrived it was late and the party was in full swing with about 25 of Finn's closest friends. She couldn't help but shake her head and smile at her longtime friend. She made her way through the lavish home, saying her hellos and doling out hugs where necessary and looking for the criminally handsome host of the event. Everyone, especially Finn, could sense whom else she was looking for.

  
"He went that-a-way." he pointed towards the patio.

  
She quickly found Peeta sitting outback by the pool alone with a beer in his hand. He was lounging on one of the pool chairs looking tired.

  
"Hey," she said as she snuck up on him. She'd always enjoyed startling him. He used to call her his little stealth missile.

  
"Hey," he replied. She didn't imagine the lightening in his mood when she arrived. It was real. She took a seat across from him.

  
"How's your mom?"

  
"She was up all night. Sick. I'm a little tired."

  
"Then why didn't you stay home to get some rest instead of coming to this intimate gathering?" She laughed. He didn't.

  
"Because..." he swung his legs over the side of the pool lounger, leaned forward and grabbed her hand. It's then that she noticed his scent. He smelled more like himself and less like whatever-the-hell-her-name-was. He smelled like the cinnamon and sugar from the bakery, laced with his own brand of musk. "...I wanted to see you." She pulled her hand back reluctantly.

  
"Peeta..."

  
"I know...I'm sorry about that kiss the other night." He looked up from peeling the label off his beer bottle.

  
"Well, it took two of us to make that happen, so I guess I'm sorry too. As much as I want to hate Glitzy..."

  
"Glimmer."

  
"Same thing. As much as I want to hate her, I can't do that to another woman. Kiss her boyfriend."

  
"She's not technically my girlfriend. We just...hang out."

  
"You mean fuck." She stared at him, well aware that she had no right to say that out loud.

  
He looked away. "I needed something to distract me from my broken heart."

  
"So you chose someone so totally unlike me, right? Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Huge boobs and..." she mumbled something under her breath that he didn't catch and she didn't bother to repeat.

  
"Kind of like you and Cato. Your...let's see...what did you call him?...your pressure relief valve. Big, black super stud. We're practically twins." He smirked as he tilted his beer bottle in her direction before taking a long swig.

  
"Touché, Mellark." She got up abruptly to leave, suddenly put off by his tone.

  
"Katniss, wait." He caught up with her before she made it three steps.

  
"Peeta, you're drunk and I didn't come here for this."

  
"I...I know. I haven't really had that many drinks. I just haven't eaten much today and it's gone to my head a bit. Look, I'm sorry for what I said, but you kind of started it." He playfully punched her in her shoulder, making her weave ever so slightly. She chuckled and the sound of her laughter made his insides clench. She made the same laugh whenever he used to kiss her stomach. She was ticklish there.

  
Peeta ambled sullenly back over to his lounger and thoughtfully resumed his drinking. Finn had overheard and came out to encourage Katniss to take Peeta to the kitchen to get some food. He whispered to Katniss. "He's been waiting all night for you, girl. Where were you?"

  
She looked at Finn imploringly. "Finnick. Peeta has a girlfriend. Why is everyone acting like he _doesn't_?"

 


	8. Chapter 8

"Finnick. Peeta has a _girlfriend_. Why is everyone acting like he doesn't?"

  
"Because he loves you. Because at the end of the day he'd dump that junior porn star in a hot minute to be with you again. Because you're meant to be. Shall I go on, pretty lady?"

  
"No, you've said quite enough, Dr. Phil."

  
“I know it seems like he’s moved on, Katniss. But, I’ve known Peet a long time. I’ve never seen him lower than he was the night you dumped him.”

  
“I didn’t _dump_ him, Finnick! I…I…look. I couldn’t keep doing what we were doing. Peeta’s mom was never going to let up. I didn’t want to be a dirty little secret. And I didn’t want him to alienate himself from his family just to be with me.”

  
"Look. He's drunk. He's tired. He's hungry. It's getting late. Why don't you guys crash here tonight? Talk it out, is all I’m saying. Just take one of the guest bedrooms. I'll give you one on the far side of the house so you can yell at each other, scream, shout, or make other noises…if you know what I mean." He gave her a devilish wink.

  
"I'm not sleeping with him Finnick! There'd better be twin beds in that room."

  
"Ooh, kinky! I guess that means you're staying. I'll have Marcy make sure everything is good to go in there." She gave him a grin that made him ask suspiciously, "What?"

  
She turned to go retrieve the half-drunk Peeta but not before Finn stopped her again. "Hey! You two should be together. He’s been a mean ass ever since you broke up. Besides, I miss my PeeNiss."

  
Someone from inside shouted " _Yeah, we found it...in Johanna's mouth_." Raucous laughter erupted from inside as Finnick sped off to stir up some frat boy trouble. 

* * *

  
They downed two bowls of the most delicious lamb stew they'd ever had, dipped with cheese buns, compliments of Mellark's Bakery. They sat silently on the kitchen stools stealing guilty glances at each other.

  
"When did you start straightening your hair?" He asked thoughtfully.

  
"Um...about a year ago."

  
"For Cato?"

  
"Um, nooo.” She shook her head in exasperation and pondered the countertop. “It was for me. I needed…a change. What? You don't like it?"

  
"I like everyhring about you. But I like it curly best. Feels good between my fingers."

  
"Correction. _Felt_. This hair no longer belongs to _those_ fingers." She said. He laughed. She smiled.

  
"Thanks for reminding me, Katniss." He smiled lazily down at his empty bowl.

  
The drunken feeling had subsided. He grabbed two bottles of water and they retired to the bedroom offered by Finnick; and, as she had suspected, there was one very large queen sized bed in it. She protested, declaring that she would just go home and let him sleep it off and talk to him tomorrow. He grabbed her hand and said, "Stay. Please." She hesitated, fearing that if she _did_ stay that she'd want to continue. Always.

  
"I miss you and...I just want to talk. I'll take the floor if that makes you feel better." She was powerless. "Besides, it's way too late to be driving back alone." She took a deep breath and plunged into the room.

  
Peeta, who always preferred to sleep in as little as possible, simply stripped down to his boxers. Katniss nervously searched through the drawers for some appropriate sleeping attire. ' _Surely'_ , she thought, ' _Finnick keeps a ready stock for his conquests_.' She located some shorts and a top, and even found new toothbrushes in the bathroom. Peeta joined her after she changed clothes to brush his teeth alongside her and to stare at her in the mirror. She tried pretending that the sight of him shirtless had no effect on her. She fought back a giggle as she recalled how the kids at school called them _salt-n-peppa_. Finnick would break out in a rendition of the cheesy rap song, 'Push It', saying ' _salt-n-peppa's here!_ ' when they walked the halls together.

* * *

After finishing up in the bathroom, Peeta created a makeshift bed of blankets and pillows on the floor and took a spot there. Katniss didn’t know what to do with herself. She was torn between _guilt_ and _want_. Peeta was seeing someone else and had just put her back on a plane days ago. She, herself, had a casual relationship. And although she knew the thing with Cato was going nowhere, she had made it a practice to be honest with herself and with him. But, she wanted nothing more than to sit with Peeta and talk about all that had gone on in his life since they’d seen each other last. She missed him. She missed his friendship as much as she missed his kisses. The chemistry between them was too thick to trust being alone behind closed doors. She knew this. And so did Peeta.

"We need to talk." It was he who broke the awkward silence first. He patted a spot on the pallet, signaling for her to join him as she stood in the middle of the room nervously fiddling with the drawstring of her borrowed pants.

  
"It's still _me_ Katniss. I don't bite."

  
"No, but you do belong to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right."  Truth was, she didnt trust herself to be that close to shirtless-Peeta.

  
"I've never belonged to anyone but you." She rolled her eyes in response.

  
She eventually made her way over to the pallet he occupied. She tried to lasso her thoughts as Peeta cast furtive glances her way. Neither seemed to know where to begin. Almost simultaneously, they spoke, “I’m sorry.” This broke the tension.

  
“Katniss, I should apologize for the way I acted that night…back at the gardens. I’ve felt bad about it since it happened. I acted like an ass.”

  
“Peeta, it’s okay. That was a rough night. You don’t owe me an apology.” He looked at her underneath those long, golden eyelashes. “Besides,” she continued, “my timing couldn’t have been worse.”

  
"It was one of the worst nights of my life. But, it made me grow up.” He finally got up the nerve to ask what he'd wanted to all along. “Why did you break up with me?"

  
She felt her breath quickening as all the emotion of that night started to come flooding back. The coward in her cursed the decision to stay. But, she owed him an explanation. This, she knew.

  
"I did it for...lots of reasons."

  
"At the time I thought it was because of the situation with my mom. I thought you just finally gave up on the whole business of keeping it secret. And I didn't blame you. But, now I'm not so sure there weren't other reasons.”

  
“Peeta, why do we need to revisit this? You’re with someone else now. You’ve obviously moved on.”

  
“I’m sitting half-naked here on the floor in Finn’s house with my ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t look like I’ve moved on, Katniss.” She dropped her shoulders in resignation. It looked as if this reckoning was going to take place right here. Right now. “You were afraid of our relationship. Admit it."

  
She took a deep breath, feeling that she owed him the truth, the whole truth, and not just a convenient truth.

  
"Okay, I _was_. Alright? I couldn't live with the thought that you may…resent me someday. Everything was always so complicated when we were together. I thought I was doing you, us a favor...making it easier...it would've happened eventually anyway."

  
"What would've happened eventually?"

  
"Us...not being together. Think, Peeta! What would have happened if we’d stayed together? Your family would have stopped speaking to you."

  
“Not my dad. Not Deacon.”

  
“Okay, then. The best case scenario is your family would have been divided. What then? I couldn’t live with that. I grew up with that! I couldn’t watch you tear yourself away from your family to be with me. And what if…” She trailed off and picked nervously at her tattered fingernails as they lay in her lap.

  
“What? Tell me.” He reached out to tip her chin up so that she’d have no choice but to look at him. The concern in his eyes was her undoing.

  
“What if I’m not worth it?”

  
"What? Are you…Katniss! You really don’t get it, do you?" She felt the hot tears on her cheeks before she could muster the courage to stop them. Something about being in his presence made her well-practiced indifference crumble. He was the only one who seemed to be able to make her bare her soul against her will. His blue eyes bore into hers with the saddest, most defeated look she’d ever seen. She tried to look away, but he held her face steady with his warm hands.

  
“Katniss, I never should’ve said some of the stuff I did that night. I didn’t try hard enough to see your side in this. I was so blinded by selfishness and wanting to be with you at any cost, that I didn’t see what it did to you.” He swiped his thumb across her cheek to clean the tears away.

  
“I love you, Katniss. I always have. I’ve always tried to make sure that you knew that. I’m sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

  
She couldn’t believe that he was sitting before her apologizing to _her_ , when _she_ had hurt him so deeply. It was so like Peeta; and she felt justified in doubting that she even deserved him.

  
“There’s nothing to forgive, Peeta. I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have been honest with you. There were so many times I wanted to, but I just…I…always stopped myself, believing I was sparing you the trouble.”

  
He wasn’t quite sure what she was trying to say…or not say. He had his hopes, but hope had failed him many times. "It was easier to stay away from you when I thought you didn't love me. But, I'm not so sure about that now. Do you _love_ me, Katniss? I mean, really love me?"

  
She grappled with all the years of running away, hiding and wearing the mask. She couldn't lie to him, or herself, any longer. The tears betrayed her once again by spilling over her eyelids, mocking her. She looked at him, knowing what he needed to hear. Why had it been so hard to say this? He was no longer under his mother's control. She had given her blessing. They could make their own decisions. She had admitted to Mrs. Mellark that she acted as much out of fear as she did out of love. What if Gale was right? What if it was too hard and they grew to hate each other? What about marriage and kids?

  
"I don't know how to _not_ love you, Peeta. You make me break the rules. I think of you when I don't want to. Tears fall against my will when you leave. My heart beats wildly when I want it to be still. I have no control...How can I not? You know I do! You _feel_ it!"

  
"That's not _saying_ it, Katniss." He said with softness mixed with irritation. She stood and moved, frustrated, to sit on the bed and put some distance between them. Here she was, about to confess her love to Peeta when there was another woman in the picture. She could hear Johanna’s voice chiding her, ‘ _Great timing, brainless!_ ’

  
He turned to kneel in front of her, making it easier for him to wipe more of the traitorous tears falling down her cheeks.

  
"How can you sit there and act as if you didn't know I that loved you, Peeta? After all those years being together, you can't make me believe you didn't know. What do you want from me?"

  
"To _hear_ it. To not _wonder_ about it. To _know_ it. To _brag_ about it."

  
She looked into the same eyes that offered her an iced cookie all those years ago. The same eyes that searched hers nervously when they lost their virginity together. The same blue eyes that hardened when she sent him away ' _for his own good_ '. The very eyes that she knew would crush her if he ever left.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are re-reading this story, I have changed some facts in this chapter. I never liked the way our bread-boy handled the Glimmer situation; it was so un-Peeta-like. I struggled at the time with how to orchestrate things and the timing. I think I like this scenario better. I hope you do, too.

She remembered the conversation with his mother, her most unlikely advocate. The tears were now free-falling and she could hardly catch her breath.

  
"Why didn't you fight for us, Peeta? For Me?"

  
She knew the hypocrisy in this as soon as the words rolled off her lips. Although she cautioned him countless times to not anger his mother, deep down she'd wanted to see a little more fight in her lover. It might have helped. It might have pushed her forward. His vibrant eyes clouded over with past wrongs.

  
"You weren’t the only one scared, Katniss. I...was a coward. But, I wasn't afraid of my mom. I was more afraid of how you felt...or didn't feel...about me. When we were together, things felt so right. But, you always seemed to keep a little part of yourself locked away. I know why that is now, but I should've demanded then that you tell me like I am right now. I didn’t want to hear that you were ‘fond of’ me or ‘cared deeply’ for me. I needed to know that you loved me as more than a friend."

  
She had to force herself to be coherent through the sobs that left her body sooner than she could stop them.

  
"I do love you, Peeta Mellark. I love you even though the world says I'm not supposed to. I love you even though you belong to someone else now. I love you because I've never considered any other alternative. I loved you then. I love you now. I'll love you always."

His lips were on hers in an instant, probing for entrance that was already granted. The feel of his mouth on hers made the world go foggy. She tried desperately to hold on to thoughts of the other woman's claim to him. She felt her convictions melting away with each slide of his lips against hers. The feel of his hands underneath the borrowed shirt sent jolts through her body. She finally placed her small hands against his massive chest and pushed him away. She leaned her forehead against his, panting.

"I can't. You're not mine."

"I'm not  _hers_. I've always been yours. I love  _you_ , not  _her_."

"But, you're with  _her_. It's not right."

He looked at her with the same uncertainty that had always plagued their relationship, at least from his point of view.

"You're right. It's not. And that's why I made it right."

Katniss' brow crinkled ever so slightly as she tilted her head sideways, "Peeta, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I know you, Katniss Everdeen. I paid attention all those years. You'd never have anything to do with me if you thought I was with someone else."

"Peeta...?"

"I broke up with her. The night of the wedding." Peeta swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Oh, no."

Katniss lowered her head into her hands and let out a garbled half-sigh, half-gasp. As much as she'd despised the nice girl with the large tits, she didn't want to be the source of trouble in anyone's life, especially Peeta's.

"Katniss, I-I know I've fucked things up in a major way." He was so wrapped up in his words, he didn't even notice her begin to shake her head vigorously back and forth. So, he continued, "But, I promise you, if you'll give me the chance, I'll make it right."

"No. No. Peeta, no!" She let out an exasperated sigh.

"Katniss, I never loved her. I was so hurt when you dumped me that I was numb to everything. It was stupid and foolish."

The feel of her small hand on his face nearly startled him, as much as he'd longed to feel it.

"Peeta. What are we...doing to each other?" She strangled a cry before it could leave her.

He was confused. Although he wasn't certain how she'd react to this news, he hadn't expected this  _particular_  reaction.

"Katniss, I was a coward. I'm so, so sorry."

"Shut up." She put her finger over his soft lips to still them. She allowed her eyes to trace every peak and slope of his face; features she'd committed to memory and had fought to retain. She leaned in slowly, taking time to breathe in his scent of musk and sugar. When her lips connected with his, she let out a breath that mingled with his, creating a scent unique to them: honey with grass and vanilla with verbena.

"You're not the only one who was stupid and foolish. Just...shush." He leaned his forehead against hers and suppressed the urge to hunt Cato Mitchell down and kick his ass.

"This is all my fault. I freaked that night you broke up with me. I gave up because I was so focused on hearing those words that I ignored everything else we'd been to each other. Our friendship. Sharing ourselves with each other. If I hadn't ignored you, I know Cato would've never had a chance."

"So...h-how did she take it? Glimmer?"

"She knew. She knew the night of the rehearsal dinner. That's why she couldn't keep her hands off me at the reception. She said I kept staring at you. And she was right. You were so beautiful, I couldn't stop watching you. I decided then to end things before she headed back to Georgia. But, later that night, after a couple of drinks, she asked me if I was still in love with you." His eyes darkened with pain and regret. "I never meant to hurt her, but I couldn't lie. So, I told her 'yes'"

Katniss squeezed his hand and stroked his knuckles with her thumb. "So...the night you kissed me...in your driveway...I tossed and turned all night over that kiss...Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just didn't know how you'd react. I didn't know what Cato really meant to you and I...I don't know. I ran away from you like a child and I had no reason to think you'd even speak to me again. I wanted to call so many times during the school year, but...again, I'm a coward. I guess I wanted to see if you really loved me before I announced like an idiot that I was single.

Peeta looked down at their clasped hands before looking back up at her, "At the reception, when I caught your eyes...I thought I saw something. A chance that maybe you still had something left for me. But, I couldn't be sure. I just hoped." Her heart clenched and her stomach ached at the thought that she'd spent years planting those seeds of doubt into his beautiful head. She raised his hand to her mouth to plant a kiss across his knuckles as he continued. "I promised myself that if I ever had a whisper of a chance with you, that I'd take it. No doubts or second thoughts. I'd take it like my life depended on it."

"Peeta. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I'm such an emotional retard. If I'd just told you how I felt, none of this would've happened. Part of me is happy. But, why do I still feel like shit?"

"Don't. It wasn't what you think. She probably had some dude waiting for her when she got back to Georgia." He chuckled sadly at the mess he'd made of things. He was determined to fix them. He turned to her, happy to close out that chapter of his life.

"I didn't want anything in the way of us giving it another try...for real. I have no intentions of letting you go again. Those were the most miserable four years of my life. The thought of coming home to you after each term was the only thing that kept me going."

He was still poised before her on his knees with his hands wrapped around her waist. She gently cupped his face in her small hand and ran her thumb over his lips. He recalled the softness of her inner thighs when he kissed her there and gulped loudly. She reminisced on the feeling of him being inside her, making her full. She kissed him again; with purpose this time.

"So, can we give this another try?"

"Why do you even shave to ask?"

He pulled away and looked at her, as if startled. "Just so you know, we were always...safe. I never wanted anyone else's scent on me but yours. I-Is that weird?"

She giggled. "That's funny. Me, too. I was always safe with...him, too. We didn't have much of a relationship, Peeta. I haven't even seen him in about a month. Things have always been on my terms. It's actually kind of a weird relationship, really. And he knew he could never be you."

"You don't owe me that, Katniss. I'm an asshole for bringing her here. I wanted you to be jealous."

"Well, it worked." She kissed him tenderly again and told him she'd call Cato the next day to set things straight. But, she had a feeling he already knew what Peeta being back in town would mean for them. Right now, she had better things to do.

"Can we  _not_  talk about them anymore?" he whispered against her mouth.

She answered with another, deeper kiss that spread warmth throughout his whole body. The taste of his lips on hers sent shivers up her spine as his hands found their way underneath her shirt again.

"I missed your hands." She reached down and grabbed one and kissed his knuckles again. His palm.

"I missed you. Your taste. Your smell. Everything." His tongue glided across her bottom lip before dipping delicately into her mouth. "I love you with everything that I am, Katniss. I want to be yours, one-hundred percent. I want you to be mine again."

She mumbled against his mouth, "Make me yours, Peeta." She banished all previous thoughts of making him suffer for as long as possible. His kisses had always had that effect on her. He pulled away to look in her eyes and to be sure he'd read her words correctly. She didn't blink or waver. "Please, Peeta. I want you...so much."

He attacked the soft skin beneath her jaw with a tender ferocity. She buried her fingers deep within those curls to bring him closer, only to discover there was no such thing as  _close enough_. The coolness that came with the removal of her shirt was soon replaced by the feel of his large warm hands on her skin. Their kisses deepened as they breathed and panted their desires into each other's mouths. His lips marked a trail from her mouth down to her perfect nipples; the anticipation of feeling her skin on his tongue again was almost too much to bear. The warmth of his nipping and kissing her there felt like coming home again. He wondered if she'd still giggle if he kissed her stomach.

She did.

Gone was the girlish titter of yesteryear; this laugh was filled with womanly desire that was free to be open and claim him as her own.

 _She's almost mine again_ , he thought to himself.

He kissed around the waistband of the borrowed, too big shorts, hesitant. He could feel the heat rising from her body as he nuzzled and kissed her cloth-covered center and the soft insides of her thighs. She gasped. He recalled how her taste had intoxicated him more than any drink. He slid his hands into the opening of the shorts along her hips and stroked her soft skin. Squeezed her ass. Their reaction to each other was like muscle memory. Everything just started to fall back into place.

"Can I...can I slide these off?"  _How cute,_  she thought.  _He's still asking for permission_.

"Please," was her response as she looked deeply into the crystal blue eyes that lay beneath a bed of rumpled curls. They were alight with desire. For her.

Their last articles of clothing were removed hastily and tossed God-knows-where within the room. He returned to his position kneeling before her body, splayed open for him on the side of the bed.

"You're so beautiful."

He kissed her tenderly on the mouth to reinforce his love before slowly lowering his attentions to her tender place below.

"You're so wet."

His tongue lovingly, softly probed her slit as he moaned into each kiss that built a pressure at her core she was powerless to withstand. She grabbed a handful of his blonde curls and held on for dear life. She watched those blue eyes from above as he buried the lower half of his face between her thighs. She smiled, silently grateful for the last minute bikini wax. His male pride made him secretly wonder if she ever got this wet for Cato, but he doubted it. She finally moaned and clenched around his fingers, signaling that she was slowly becoming his again. Her body collapsed onto the bed, her chest heaving skyward, as she rode out her orgasm. He joined her on the bed and rocked her in his arms.

"I love you, Peeta."

"Katniss, I could never regret you. The only thing I ever regretted was letting you leave me."

He kissed her deeply and she could taste herself on his lips now. Their lovemaking lasted far into the morning hours. She relished in the silky hardness of him against her lips; she tasted him again as his fingers lovingly caressed her cheek from above. She wrapped her legs around his waist, determined to rid him of the last vestiges of the other woman's essence. He belonged here with her. He always had.  _Glimmer-or-whatever-the-fuck-her-name-is_  was only borrowing. She was simply reclaiming what was rightfully hers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're worth it.

They lay side by side.  Her head on his chest.  Hands intertwined. Cheeks stroked. Eyes gazed. They spoke of futures and pasts and promises  unkept . She told him the things she discussed with his dying mother. But, there was one little thing in her future she deliberately left out as she made small circles around his navel that drove him mad.

They showered together before saying goodbye in the  O'Dairs ' massive kitchen. He planted a kiss on her forehead as a reinforcement of their night together.  Finnick  walked in as they embraced, scratching his  hungover  bed-head. When he saw his best friend locked in an embrace with the girl he loved, the clouds in his head parted a bit. He knew all they needed was to be in the same room together, unbothered by others. The spark between these two had been electric for as long as he could remember.

"Ah, there's my  PeeNiss ." He walked up behind  Katniss  and placed his arms around them, hugging them both. She giggled. He didn't.

"Damn, we make one  helluva  peanut butter sandwich." She felt Peeta's  arm tense moments before his hand connected with his best friends head.

"Too far, jackass!  Way too far! Next time it'll be my fucking fist!"

"Peeta!"  She startled. The dark look in his eyes shook her momentarily. His friend grabbed his head in pain.

"Fuck, man!  Gah ! I was only kidding! Get your man some anger management, would  ya ,  Ka'niss !"

"Grow up, Finn! That shit's not funny anymore."

" It's  okay, Peeta. He didn't mean anything by it. Now, stop it! Come walk me to my car." She turned to hug their friend with the loose filter for a mouth. Finn had always been a jokester, openly making sexual advances on any female in sight. It was how he validated himself. Everyone one knew that, so  Peeta's reaction was particularly puzzling to them both.

"Thanks for letting us crash," she told Finn.

"Anytime, Kitty Kat..."  Peeta's  arm flinched again. "...whoa...hey...just joking man!"

He walked her to her car and they stood there looking for answers in  each others'  eyes.

"I know things are complicated right now. But, I'd like to see you later."

"We do need to talk, but...I promised Prim I'd go shopping with her later. Rory Hawthorne is coming home this week and she's all  gah-gah . Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure.  And...say  Hi to Cato for me," he said with a smirk and a wink. She delighted in this territorial side of him, even though she thought it juvenile.

When he returned to the kitchen,  Finnick  was on him the second he walked in.

"Hey,  Peet .  I...I'm sorry, man. You know I love you guys. It was just a joke...a bad one apparently."

"I won't have you disrespecting her. She puts up with enough of that shit from my mom. I'm sorry, I just...over reacted I guess." He raked his broad hands through his blonde curls.

"You guess?  Peet , we've been best friends since kindergarten. What's up? You know that stuff doesn't matter to me. I love Katniss . I can't see you with anyone else."

"I'm in love with her; you know that. I want to marry her someday. I just want her to know that I don't take us lightly." His friend smiled.

"Why do you think I told you guys to spend the night? Who used to lie to your mom so you could be together? Huh? I know how much you love her. I guess I can take a joke a little too far, is all."

"Just a bit."  He lets out a deep sigh of frustration. "I'm sorry, man...just been so stressed lately."

"I  know,  bro. So, when are you going to ask her?"

"Not sure. Things are complicated right now. You know Katniss . I have to figure out where her head is."

"Most importantly, where was her head last night?"

"Dude..."

"Okay, okay. I can't seem to stop!"  Finnick  is shaking with laughter but sobers when he sees his friend's unwavering scowl. "You know it might not hurt to talk to her body guard, Gale."

"Geez!  I can barely tolerate that dude, man. He's an ass. But, he is  her best friend."

"You two  should  be together; live happily ever after and all that shit. Have a bus load of little cafe  leche  babies for me to godfather. Okay, that was my last joke!" He forgave his friend with a shake of his head, a hug and a goodbye.

* * *

His mother took a turn for the worse the very next day.  Katniss stayed away out of guilt and not wanting to be a distraction, opting to only check in by phone occasionally.  She side-stepped all his invitations, saying that he needed to be with his family right now. He had enough to deal with, she thought.

The talk with Cato was uneventful. They met at a coffee shop. There was no anger and no surprises. "I knew he was back in town. The jig is up. I get it. I hoped for better, but hey, it's cool. We're cool."

She thought there might have been a  twinge  of sadness in his nonchalant farewell. "But, if he ever fucks up...don't lose my number, is all I'm saying." He gave her a hug that lasted a couple seconds longer than she was comfortable with and he went on his way.

Peeta anxiously awaited each call from her, hoping she'd come for a visit or something... _shit_! It had been over a week already. Maybe the other night bothered her. Maybe she just wanted him to go to hell or back to his blonde.  He could scarcely think of anything else, even as he sat by his dying mother's bedside.

He, his dad and his brothers took turns tending to Evelyn at the hospital. The cancer was progressing much faster than anticipated and was draining the life out of practically everything  and everyone. But, he still missed  Katniss . He still had so many things he wanted to say to her. It was his mother that told him to stop ' _kicking the can_ ' and just go see her.

"Life's not going to wait for you, Peeta. It will go on no matter what you do. And she may not wait for you either. She's a survivor, that one."

* * *

Prim barreled out of the back of the house as  Katniss  was transitioning from up-dog to down-dog. Yoga was the only thing that could take the edge off the fire burning in her belly since her night with Peeta.

"Katniss ,  I think there’s a package outside for you.”

She didn’t show any interest in what the younger girl was talking about.  

“I didn’t order anything, Prim.  Besides, it’s too late for FedEx deliveries.  I’m trying to get in the zone, here.”

Exasperated, Prim came over and got eye-level with her sister.  “There’s something outside for you.  Go.  Look.”  Prim pointed commandingly towards the door.   Katniss  recovered  from  her position and stomped heavily towards the door, complaining the entire way.

" Geez,  Prim!  You pick now to be a pain in the… "  It was Peeta.

" Katniss ..."  he called to her.

"Hey."

She  dashed into the driveway to find Peeta sitting on the hood of his car with both doors open.  He had a hopeful but bashful look on his face as he twirled a stalk of katniss flowers between his fingers. Blasting from the speakers was one of her favorite songs . It was the song that was on the night at Finn’s place as they stared at each other over bowls of lamb stew.

 

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

 

She  remembered that moment.  The lyrics had seemed to reach out and touch them. She’d had looked away from him, suddenly finding the corner of the  O’Dairs’ dining room more interesting than it really was.  Her cheeks had gone warm under his unwavering gaze, as they always had.  Out of defensiveness, she’d told him that she thought it was a cheesy  love song . He'd laughed and said all love songs were cheesy. But, deep down inside she  knew he’d felt it too. She  came home the next day and added it to her playlist. She never  dreamed he would have remembered that moment and felt the same way she did.

By the time she got to him, the lump was already in her throat. He pulled her in to stand between his legs  as he leaned against the car . He pulled away only to kiss her deeply and to tell her how much he'd missed her the past few days.

“I had to see  you.”

"Peeta. There’s something I didn’t tell you.  Just as things seem to be getting better with us… I...I'm leaving," she sobbed into his shirt.   


"I know.  Law School.Berkeley . "

"Who told you?"

"Gale."

“Gale?”

“Yeah, right after he threatened to slice my dick off.”

“Well, I haven’t  told him about us yet.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.  Even with everything…I wasn’t sure where we stood.”

“What do you mean, you weren’t sure?  We love each other, right?”

“Absolutely, I love you.  But… I _have_ to go, Peeta. I won't get another chance like this."

"I know. You won't. But, I told you.  I’m not let ting you slip through my fingers again.  I meant that. "

"Then, what do we do?" She looked up abruptly, barely hiding her frustration. He rubbed his hand along her arm to try and soothe the  goose bumps  forming there.

"Beautiful," he whispered mostly to himself  as he kissed the top of her head. He gathered himself and decided that the only way to hold onto her was to stop being a coward. Just say it.

"I don't want to pressure you or rush you into anything too soon. I simply want to give us a chance. And for me to do that, I need to be where you are. I don't want to be halfway across the country, away from you again.  My parents have some contacts there that  can help me find  a job.  I don’t want to crowd you or pressure you.  I just need to know that you want this as much as I do.  I think you do.  But, i f you don't, it's okay. I know it's a lot  to take in so soon."

She looked at him in surprise. She was speechless. She had so much to say, but was overwhelmed with emotion and how quickly her fate was changing right before her eyes. And it was a little scary.  A few days ago she was  seething with jealousy as Glimmer pawed all over Peeta  and as she wondered if she’d ever get into law school. Now she was preparing to attend law school and the man she loved more than anything was offering to follow her several states away to  pick up where they left off.   She tried to form the elusive words floating around in her fuzzy brain, but he interrupted.

"I won't take an answer from you right now. This means too much to me...to you. I have to go back to the hospital now, anyway. Come see me when you're ready and let me know your decision. No matter what y ou choose, I'll still love you. "


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real.

One more tear trickled down her cheek, but he wiped it before it got to its destination. "Don't cry."

"Why does life have to be so damned complicated?" she asked. He grabbed one of her loose curls and twirled it around his finger before placing the flower in her hand.

"The universe is testing us...wants to see how badly we want this.  Katniss , I love you. I'm  _in_ love with you. I want you. I want to  _be_ with you. I want to  _properly_ date you."

He pulled her in for a long kiss before releasing her and leaning his forehead against hers.

"I want everything that being  _together_ means. I want to leave my shit at your apartment and piss you off. I want to fight with you and have mind-blowing makeup sex. I want to wake up to you wearing nothing but my t-shirt. I want to juggle work and law school and lovemaking and fun times with you, and get frustrated when we can't seem to find enough hours in the day. I want to marry you someday and make lots of mocha latte babies with you."

A tearful, girlish giggle escaped her throat. He could always make her laugh at the oddest times.

"But, we won't get there if we're not together. We'll take it slow. Whatever it is, good or  bad,  I want to do it with no one else but you.  If you'll allow it."

Her mouth moved to form words, but he shushed them with a final kiss. "Not yet. Think about what I said."

Before he got back in his car, she grabbed him for another kiss and whispered, "I love you, no matter what."

* * *

Later that night he went home to rest as his father took up sentry at the hospital.  While there, h is mother had been full of questions about  his reconnection with  Katniss .  He was still adjusting to this version of Evelyn  Mellark ,  but she ’d  seemed to still be  determined  to help him make things right with the girl.  So, he ’d  shared every bit of news with her  that a son can reasonably share with his mother.  

Several blocks away,  Katniss  tossed and turned in her bed for hours, wondering what to do next. She did what she always did when she couldn't stop thinking; when she had important decisions to make. She drove.

She drove around the neighborhood and somehow ended up in front of his house. She saw that his car was parked out front. It was late, she knew, but she was desperate. It took so long to answer her knock that she almost turned and left. Perhaps it was too late to discuss such things. He was probably asleep anyway. The door was jerked suddenly open by a  groggy  Deacon who was every bit as handsome as Peeta was with his shirt off. All the  Mellark  boys were blessed in that way. Vigo, the oldest, had married and moved out 2 years ago. Deacon, the second son, was still ' figuring things out' .

" Katniss?  Hey, sweetie! I haven't seen you in ages. If I'd have known it was you I'd have worn fewer clothes."

They exchanged a long friendly hug. "Better not let your brother hear you say that. He hasn't been in the joking mood lately."

"Yeah, no shit. He's upstairs in his room. You know the way." Deacon scratched his head and turned towards his room.  "Oh, Katniss.  Mom and Dad are still at the hospital. No need to rush out. I'm glad you're here."

She stealthily walked upstairs knowing she could sneak up on him. His room was dark and she could hear the steady breathing coming from where she knew his bed to be.   She  walked over and  stood over him, watching, as the light from the open window cast upon his features.  He looked perfect.  Perfect for her, anyway.  She pulled the covers back  slowly  and crawled in. He startled for only a second until the familiar curve of her body registered in his sleeping brain.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He pulled her into him with his strong arms and her racing heartbeat subsided. She answered with a soft, lingering kiss that left him breathless. She finally pulled away and stroked the side of his face with her hand.

"Well, I can check one fantasy off my list," he panted against her mouth. She chuckled  and kissed him again.

“So, do you have lots of unfulfilled fantasies?”  She swiped her hand across his forehead to move a few stray curls out of the way.

“Oh, tons!  I have a very active imagination.  And every one involves you in some form of undress.”

“I do believe you have sex on the brain, Peeta .”

“No, I have _you_ on the brain.  Just a warning. I also have love in my heart. Also a warning.”

“Just call me a risk taker, then.”  She looked at him meaningfully.  There were a thousand questions in his eyes, but he wasn’t able to speak one out loud.  She decided it was time to tell him the  reason for the surprise visit in the middle of the night .

"I haven’t been able to sleep since I saw you earlier this evening.  All I could think about is what you told me.   What you’re willing to do for me, in  itself, is a risk.”   Peeta didn’t interrupt her.  He knew these words were something she’d thought about for hours now.  He wanted to be completely lucid and hear every word she was about to say.  He softly stroked her back to give her confidence to continue.

“Peeta, I never wanted to be a risk for you.  But, I realize now that life is full of risks no matter what you do.  I’m tired of doing what’s practical and what’s expected.  I’m ready to do what makes me feel good.  Being with you feels good to me.”

She paused to take a breath and glance down to gather her nerve.  

“ I can't imagine there's anything worthwhile that I can do without you by my side. I love you, Peeta  Mellark . I wouldn't know how to stop even if I wanted to. I don't want to. And I don't have to."

A smile slowly spread across his face just before he got lost in her lips again.   He pulled away, reluctantly, and looked longingly into her eyes. “So what does this mean?”

“This means…I’ll allow it.”

He let out a breath he’d forgotten he was holding.

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised, Peeta.”

"I'm  just  glad you chose us. Otherwise, telling you that I've already found a job there would be  _really_ awkward."  He collapsed on top of her as they laughed uncontrollably.

“I can’t wait to be with you and be able to see you every day.  I want to explore every new, scary adventure with you there.  Sometimes I wonder what the hell I have done to deserve you.  But, I’ve decided to just be selfish and enjoy it.  And not question it.  I love you and want you fully in my life.” 

His eyes softened and a look of confusion took over his features.  She really had no idea the effect she had on him.   “You give me too much credit,  Katniss .   You make me want to be a better person.  You give me something to shoot for, and I need that.  You challenge me.  You stood by me when it wasn’t easy.  Don’t ever say you don’t deserve me.  We deserve each other. We make each other better.  Don’t you think?”

“Yes, I think.”

They made love  quietly at first, until they realized they were no longer teenagers  trying to sneak in a quickie with his dad downstairs.  She playfully stopped his passionate kisses to ask, “Do you think Deacon will tell?”

He chuckled and nuzzled into the side of her neck, “I think we’re good.  Besides, I’ve got lots of dirt on him.”

He celebrated their decision by applying kisses to every inch of her body.   She showed her appreciation with sweet moans and whispers that made his spine quiver.   They plotted out how they were going to tell family and friends as they lay naked in each other’s arms.  They talked about apartment hunting, moving vans, future Christmases and possibly sharing a dog.  Peeta surprised her in the middle of the conversation by looking at her as if he’d just heard something startling.

“Is this really happening?  Is this real or not real?”

She told him, “Real.”

They drifted off to sleep with the scent of each other on their bodies, wrapped in each other's arms.

FIN. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, ZoeLaRoux for being a great Beta and sounding board! You rock!


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